Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way.
— Adam Carolla
My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'
I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much.
The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.
I'm not a Republican.
When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn't imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I'm gone for six days it feels like too much.
Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.
The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.
I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money... and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn't very good at it.
I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn't have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
I have no connection with Hollywood. I'm not interested. I don't care.
I guess my feeling is is that if you're going to make a joke, that's fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you're trying to make.
I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
I don't know that I appreciate things more because of how I grew up, but I am very realistic with what I expect out of people and what they expect out of me.
There are certain things women are better at than men.
I get depressed at airports.
I am not a good cue card reader.
It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.
When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
