I am bipolar, and I am proud. And that is why I wanted to write a book. To shine a light on mental illness, to be vulnerable about the days I let it take control and paid dearly for it, and to tell anyone fighting a similar battle: You are not alone. You are not broken.
— AJ Lee
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was barely out of my teens. Like our olive skin tone and caterpillar eyebrows, I guess it just runs in the family.
I was thin and didn't realize how small I was - I was, like, 96 pounds when I got signed. You don't want to be 96 pounds. It's not attractive. I didn't know how to do my hair and makeup. I was such a tomboy.
I'm very grateful that I don't have to wear heels, because I can barely walk in heels. If I were to skip, it would be deadly.
I'd like to challenge Ryback to a match - in real life - just to see. I think I could take him, but I wonder how Ryback would react to getting slapped.
I used to be naive. I didn't realize the value of being a whole performer... People start to care about you when they know more about you and see different aspects of your personality.
I feel like an old person. I feel like, 'What is this technology?' I think there's some seven-year-olds who are more advanced than I am right now.
I've lived in so many different towns - Guttenberg, Union City, West New York, Jersey City. We didn't have a lot of money, and we'd get kicked out of places a lot.
I've always wanted to entertain people, and when I was in school, I was interested in creative writing, but wrestling was always there. When I ran into financial problems, I just figured when life gives you lemons, you have to make lemonade.
I'm not the sexy girl. I'm more youthful and innocent, the girl who wears jeans and T-shirts and sneakers. But fans have accepted that I'm a tomboy. There's a different group of people who find that attractive.
The key is to be a personality outside of the ring and then bring that personality with you inside the ring.
I think everything I've tried to do, whether or not it's come off that way immediately, is for the greater good. I'll take the jabs I need to in order to help us all in the long run.
Never trust anyone who doesn't drink coffee.
Chucks are cooler when they're dirty. I actually stepped on somebody's the other day because they were too clean.
I'm not the coolest person in the world. I'm not the sexiest Diva or the strongest Diva. I know who I am. I'm not the most popular person, and I'm kind of dorky, and I'm someone you can see at your school or as your neighbor, and I think people like that.
Side note: When I dressed up like Harley Quinn on TV a long time ago, everyone was like, 'Who is that?' And now she's got an entire merchandise line.
It's funny because there's a part of me that, if something is popular, I sort of become a defiant teenager about it. Like, 'Oh, I'm not gonna like that because everybody likes it.'
When I harnessed its seemingly uncontrollable might, I realized bipolar disorder's powers could be used for good. My diagnosis didn't have to be an affliction. It could simply be the gift of extraordinary emotions.
Everything I was told should be my greatest insecurities and weaknesses, everything that I've been labeled - short, nerdy, skinny, weak, impulsive, ugly, tomboy, poor, rebel, loud, freak, crazy - turned out to be my greatest strengths. I didn't become successful in spite of them. I became successful because of them.
I actually went to NYU for six months, had some family issues that kind of set me back, and I couldn't afford to go anymore. That was the theme going on in my whole life, you know: money stopping me from whatever I wanted to do.
I say it often, that I feel like I'm just living out the Story Mode in 'Smackdown vs. RAW' that I always used to play.
Know what is in your heart. But definitely go to school and learn as much as you can, and if wrestling is still what you want, find a good wrestling school and kind of learn as much information about it as you can. If I did it, this tiny thing, anyone can do it.
It's funny because I remember playing 'Grand Turismo,' and I would get yelled at by my brother for moving the controller as if it was a wheel. He was, 'It's not gonna help you.' Now you have a Wii, and you could actually move and control it.
I have an older brother and older sister. My older sister is the girliest girl on the planet, so I just hated everything about that. I did anything my brother did. He actually got me into wrestling. I watched it because he did, and I played video games because he did.
From a young age, I felt like I was supposed to be the sort of female who is doing something strong.
I remember when I was that girl crying because I was so excited to finally meet Lita. To have girls crying over me is surreal.
I didn't have the easiest time growing up; it's no secret. We were just poor.
The trick is for Divas to find what works for them. I've done some ridiculous stuff in my career, but there's still nothing that's gotten a reaction as big as me skipping around the ring.
I could be anywhere in the country, and people will ask, 'Are you from Jersey?' I'm proud of that. We're a weird breed.
My least favorite aspect of shopping is shopping.
When I was really little, I wanted to be a wrestler so I could be like the girls I looked up to. My brother then told me that 'You don't want to be like your idols; you want to grow up and be better than them.' To this day, that's the best piece of advice I've ever gotten.
I think the important thing is that I've never tried to be someone I'm not. People can read right through that.
It wasn't cool that I didn't comb my hair and had books and wore glasses. It was never cool be a nerd and tomboy, and these days, it really is. And I'm like, 'You guys have no idea what I went through.' How many times my mother yelled at me to comb my hair.
When I was diagnosed, I believed my illness would be my great, lifelong weakness. Bipolar disorder was to be my impenetrable prison, and I would be locked up with it in a castle Princess Toadstool style. Thinking there was no way out, I let it consume me.
I've been a rescue dog mom several times and occasionally found comfort in scrolling through pictures of animals on various adoption center websites, just to fantasize about adding to the family.
I'm not interested in being famous. I'm interested in doing my job and doing it well, and that's wrestling, and that's what I love.
There's definitely a list of things I'd like to do. But there's been a lot of things I hadn't even thought would have been possible to do that I'd been able to do, so I think I'll surprise myself and keep breaking that glass ceiling to see what's next. Hopefully people get surprised - that's my main goal.
It's the most gratifying thing to have young girls telling me, 'I love that you do a photo shoot in pants and a button up shirt, and you still look cool.'
I have a very distinct memory of 'ExciteBike' and making my own courses. I had an obsession with that game.
To this day, I like the version of movies that don't have the curse words. I'm very reserved that way.
I want to be known for this character on TV two nights a week, and then I want to go away and live my life in private.
I want people to know where I come from. I think I have come really far from that, and I did it on my own. It's sort of the American dream to come from absolutely nothing and to succeed while still doing something that you love. Not compromising yourself in any way. I hope I'm making Jersey proud in that way.
My only window into the Internet is Twitter because I am afraid of the Internet. I need my mom to hold my hand if I'm going to read anything about me.
I think trying to be flashy and doing things that are out of your realm of comfort is the problem with the Divas.
For me, Jersey represents going through what you can go through and still surviving. That's the cool thing about people from the Tri-State area. We're fighters. We're survivors, and we're edgier than anyone else on Earth.
I lift pretty heavy for my body weight, and I don't do any of that girly stuff like cardio or any light weights. I go really heavy, and that intimidates some guys. I enjoy that.
When you see me on TV against one of the other girls, they look 10 times better than me, and I'm OK with that. I make a conscious effort not to wear that much makeup and not have my hair so perfectly groomed. That's just not me. I'm not going to be perfect.
I play my Xbox and PlayStation at home. Then, when I'm on the road, I'll bring my Vita with me to play games like 'Snake Eater.'
I think that it's interesting how shows like 'Walking Dead' or even 'Game of Thrones,' with all its fantasy elements, have become so popular. Sometimes, though, I get a little bit annoyed because the whole nerd thing taking over and is now cool, and it wasn't cool when I was younger.
