I always really loved comedy. It's the only thing I was ever good at.
— Ali Wong
At the end of the day, I'm not really trying to make a statement with any of my standup.
A lot of people get into stand-up as a back door into acting or something. But I really like writing jokes and telling jokes.
My dad was a very unconventional Asian American man. He was very much not quiet, not shy, not passive. If he had to fart, he'd do it in the library. He did not care. He was like, 'I don't know these people. I'm uncomfortable, and I need to let it go.'
My parents emphasized experiential learning - in my family, being adventurous was a sign of maturity.
With my husband, I do really appreciate the fact that we - even though we're different kinds of Asian, there is a cultural shorthand between us, and I don't have to explain anything. I've dated guys before who weren't Asian-American, and it frustrated me when I would have to defend why beans belong in a dessert.
I've seen many female comics that a lot of people haven't heard of who are so funny, and I saw them come up, and they were working so hard, and then all of a sudden they had a baby, and they just got tied up in motherhood, and eventually, they kind of just stopped doing stand-up, and I thought it was such a shame.
For the first year I lived in New York, I never ate out. I literally just ate lentils and brown rice at home. Sometimes I'd treat myself to this half chicken from Chinatown that cost $3.50.
Some useful advice for all of my Asian-American brothers and sisters - never go paint-balling with a Vietnam veteran.
I didn't expect to be so comfortable handing my child off to a nanny without getting any of her information. As soon as she arrived at my house, I threw my baby in her arms and went to Target.
When you're pregnant, you're all gassy, and you're hungry, but then you're nauseous.
When you have a child, you think about your own mortality.
A lot of people like to ask me, 'Ali, how on earth do you balance family and career?' Men never get asked that question. Because they don't.
Asian men are the sexiest. They got no body hair from the neck down.
Nothing is off-limits. There's just some things I cannot crack. Politics I can't do. When I start to talk about it, I just get really angry and super sincere. I have never found a way to craft all of that absurdity into funny.
There are certainly other female comics who are moms, but I don't know any who are actively touring with their kids. But there are more and more becoming moms, and it's awesome. I feel we're in a super sisterhood.
Aside from Joan Rivers and Roseanne, it's hard for me to think of any female comedian who's had kids and has a serious level of fame - like, the level where your mother has heard of them.
It's really strange being in, like, Addison,Texas, and having people come up to me at a Nordstrom's or a gas station. It's really, really surreal.
My goal is really to just make people laugh with integrity, like, with something that I still find funny.
Every comic is taught that you're supposed to have a great seven-minute set and then get a sitcom. And I don't want to get the sitcom.
Maternity leave is for women to hide and heal their disintegrating body.
In Hue, Vietnam, we had savory rice pancakes with crumbled shrimp and pork rinds. I've still never had a version as good.
My husband and I went to Japan for our honeymoon, and you look at, like, the presentation of the food, and it's ridiculous. It looks like a Mondrian painting or something. Everything looks like a bunch of little Hello Kitty erasers when you eat a little bento box in Japan. It's so precise and beautiful and processed and neat.
The concept of 'diversity' was this big moral 'should.' And now with the success of shows like 'Fresh Off the Boat,' 'Empire,' 'Blackish,' and 'Jane the Virgin,' it's become this big business 'must,' which is so great.
All I ever wanted to do was tell jokes for a living.
I have a hoarding problem because my mom is from a third-world country. And she taught me that you can never throw away anything because you never know when a dictator is going to overtake the country and snatch all of your wealth.
I think most feminists are very smart.
I really loved being pregnant, especially because people treat you so nice.
I want to write my daughter something about how much I love her and what I would want to say to her before I die.
Breast-feeding was so stressful for me. I kept on clenching and pushing my tongue against the bottom teeth, so they started to move toward an underbite.
People obsess about casting and representation, but really, all the real work is behind the camera. Casting an Asian American into a bad role where they're shoehorned into these stereotypes is worse than not having cast them at all.
Every male comedian of note who is over the age of 45 has a kid, and they talk about it and don't get grouped as 'dad comics.'
Mothering is just so different now from the way it was before. Especially with my mom. She was like the anti-helicopter mom. She was like an inflatable-tube, blow-up-flamingo-in-the-pool mom. Her philosophy was, the situation will declare itself.
I think that's one of the reasons women don't tell people when they've had a miscarriage - they think it's their fault.
The more socially conscious you are, the better the work you make.
My dad grew up with straight-up no running water. He slept in a twin bed with his two sisters and his mom, like 'Charlie And The Chocolate Factory' style: like, feet at the head, feet at the head alternating. And then I think his dad slept on, like, a bed of newspapers on a floor in their apartment.
I don't want to be that famous.
To be a trophy wife, you have to be a trophy. I am more of a commemorative plaque.
Food is a huge source of comfort for me.
In giving birth, I knew that I would have to take a break after I had a baby; I just didn't know that it would be, like, six weeks long. Taking a six-week break was a very big deal for me. I have never taken that long of a break from stand-up other than my honeymoon, which was 14 days long.
In order to be the best comic, you have to perform in a wide diversity of rooms.
Breastfeeding is this savage ritual that just reminds you that your body is a cafeteria now.
I have a B.A. from UCLA. In ethnic studies.
Stand-up comedy is something that you have to strive to do, multiple times a night, every night, to be good.
I would love to dress like Beyonce: some custom-print, neoprene onesie with no pants.
I have this fantasy of relaxing and doing nothing. But I'm obviously very passionate about stand-up comedy. I mean, I keep doing it. So I must be really into it.
I think Asian men are beautiful.
That's the difference between a great comic and a bad comic - one has great instincts and has a lot of compassion and can feel what's right and what's wrong.
The audience is so important. Because there's something that I might think is super funny, but if it's just not getting the feedback, I have to let it go.
You become like a vampire when you're pregnant: your senses are so sensitive, and your emotions are so heightened - that helps with performance because you really feel things.
