You can't just be crass without being witty. Angry crass is horrible.
— Ali Wong
Stand-up will always be my favorite and the most important thing that I do. I view everything else as free money.
I constantly peed in my pants up until the 8th grade and wore an extra-large sailor uniform from kindergarten to 8th grade because my mom was scared I'd grow out of it. So I learned to make fun of myself at school and summer camp.
I think I went through puberty really late in life or something. I always looked like a little, sad Thai boy up until I was 26.
I want to be like a Wendy Murdoch or a Georgina Chapman.
There's a scene in 'Singin' in the Rain' where this guy dances with a giant doll while singing 'Make 'Em Laugh.' I remember loving the pure physicality of it.
Stand-up is no bureaucracy. No one can tell me what to do or not to do.
Just because you become a parent doesn't mean you grew up.
I love being a mom and having two kids. But I've had two C-sections, and I have suffered enough. That's my favourite mantra when it comes to motherhood.
My dad was obviously a really quirky, unconventional Asian man who didn't care about what other people thought. When he would fight with my mom, he would be really dramatic. He would be like, 'Devil, get away, for I am God's property.' He would say crazy things that were so melodramatic but so theatrical and funny.
I tried being a stay-at-home mom for eight weeks. I like the stay-at-home part. Not too crazy about the mom aspect.
A couple of female standup comics I know refer to their kids as their Little Career Killers. I was like, I really do not want to feel that way.
I'm addicted to picking my nose. In a world of red tape and bureaucracy, where it takes forever to buy a house or get a cell-phone plan going, it's so instant to just stick your finger up there and go for something your own body produces.
Comedy has so much to do with honesty, and women can be more open about their emotions.
I'm always asked how my husband is feeling about my success with a note of concern. He feels great. It's not hard to feel good about your spouse making money.
A lot of women do stand-up as a gateway into acting, but I love stand-up, and to be a good stand-up, you have to go on the road a lot. It means going to places in America where they've never seen a Vietnamese person in their life.
The biggest downside of L.A. is the traffic and parking tickets. They turn me into Michael Douglas in 'Falling Down.'
The most valuable thing my dad taught me was to never care about what other people thought. When he came to my shows, and I'd announce his presence, he'd stand up with his hands clasped in victory and cheer my name.
Some people do specials, like, when they've only been doing comedy for three years or something. Which is fine! But I'm kind of old fashioned, and I knew that I didn't want to do one too early.
It's very rare that stand-up comics have kids, because once they do, they stop doing stand-up.
I think feminism is the worst thing that ever happened to women. Our job used to be no job. We had it so good!
I'm discovering, and I think other mums are discovering too, that when you become a mum, you don't have to change into this frumpy, wholesome role model who is perfect and loses all of your identity. You can still have the same personality you've always had.
When you're a mom, you need sparkle to compensate for the light inside of you that has died.
Having a two-year-old is very hard. I feel like I'm in a relationship with an emotionally unstable woman who is also physically abusive and never gets in trouble for it.
Writing is the life blood of everything in Hollywood. Without writers, there are no scripts, no acting work.
Even now, when I go out people are like, 'What are you doing here? Didn't you just have a baby?' But people never ask a male comic when he's out a week later, like, 'Oh my God, you're so irresponsible! What are you doing out? Who is taking care of the baby?'
You know what male comics can't do? They can't get pregnant. They can't perform pregnant. So my attitude is, just use all those differences.
My dad was a doctor, and he would tell us a lot of nasty, funny stories from the hospital. It was funny to me when I'd go over to other people's houses and they didn't talk about intestines at the table.
Women, a lot of the time, are so much funnier than men, but they just choose not to do comedy for a living.
I think one of the hardest things to talk about as a comic is having money because it's so unrelatable.
I liked that improv and sketch comedy were collaborative, but you really depended on other people and a stage to perform. With stand-up comedy, I liked that you had no one else to blame and depend on.
Making people laugh was the only thing I ever truly excelled at. But at home, I was so quiet with my family, which taught me to be really observant.
I was so boisterous in high-school, I don't think a lot of boys liked me that much 'cause they were like, 'Oh, she's so loud and so crazy.' But then this thing happens in your late twenties, and guys begin to take note of women's personalities more or something.
A lot of comics will say that the thing about specials now is that they're not special anymore because there are so many of them, and they come and go, and they're not really talked about. They just kind of come and go.
If you want me to perform in Silver Lake - where it looks like 'Vice' magazine threw up everywhere, where all the men are wearing V-necks to their belly buttons, salmon pants, and carrying a screenplay - I'll do it, because they might appreciate a Banksy joke I can't do anywhere else.
The word 'supportive' has no place in stand-up comedy. I hate when people are like, 'Support female comedy.' That's not a real genre of comedy. I think if you have true respect for women as three-dimensional creators who are innovative, you wouldn't group them together like that.
I'll tell you how I balance family and career. I have a nanny.
Whenever I feel mom-guilt, or I feel pressure to be a better mom - to cook salmon on a bed of quinoa for my kids - I just think to myself, 'I... have... suffered... enough.' And then I feel fine about feeding my toddler a bag of chips for dinner.
My husband's chill.
There's something I want to say, and I haven't been able to articulate it yet, about how it's so rude when people don't admit that they have a nanny.
It's very rare and unusual to see a female comic perform pregnant.
People are always very surprised by how, offstage with my husband, I'm a completely different person... very soft and nurturing.
The life of a true, traditional stand-up is really unappealing for women.
Before my dad passed away, I would miss a lot of baby showers and weddings, sacrificed a lot of family and friend events for dumb road dates. I don't do that anymore. It's gone in the other direction. I'm more inclined to put family and friends first.
It's unfair to the hard-core stay-at-home moms to pretend you're able to have an amazing body by chasing around your kids.
