I've known Kareem since I was kid. He lived in Manhattan, but my best friend used to go to high school with him, and he was in my house the day I graduated from high school in 1965.
— Billy Crystal
What passes for sports coverage is terribly sycophantic.
The truth is, in this age of Instagram and Facebook and Snapchat, we know way too much about athletes - and it's their fault.
I started writing in 1948 - basically.
When you're the host of the Academy Awards, and you grew up watching Bob Hope and Johnny Carson, and now it's your turn, and you get a chance to run with the baton on the relay for a while, I really embraced it and just really loved being there.
The decision-making process was very difficult: is this how I want my career to start, with playing Jodie Dallas on this show?
One night, I wrote down all the things I was waiting to do with my little granddaughter, and it became a book, 'I Already Know I Love You.' It was one of those really lovely things in life.
I can't bear to think of life without Janice. I want to go first because I don't want to miss her, because that would be a pain far worse than any death.
Two things I really wanted to be: a stand-up comic or a New York Yankee - or a really funny New York Yankee.
It took five years to get 'Parental Guidance' made, and it was a fight every second.
You don't want to wait for that aged jockey role.
Performing was how I was able to release this pain I had.
It's like being a gym rat, but you're a theater rat, and then that becomes your fraternity house. That becomes your extended family.
I watch old 'Truth or Consequences' on Hulu. 'Concentration.' And 'The Match Game' with Gene Rayburn.
There are all these things I want to accomplish. We never know how long we're going to get.
I don't know what I would have done to rebel. I don't know what I was rebelling against.
Since I got into the movies, 'Running Scared,' that did $40 million. 'Princess Bride,' I got good reviews for the character Miracle Max. 'Memories of Me' didn't do well. 'Throw Mama from the Train' did $70 million. 'Harry and Sally' did 95 or 96. 'City Slickers' did $120 million.
The Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower. They're monumental. They're straight out of Page 52 in your school history book.
Can you imagine if Babe Ruth had had Twitter?
The death of Sid Caesar on Wednesday caused a chain reaction in my soon-to-be-66-year-old mind. I was saddened, of course, but felt a sense of relief that he was at last free from the indignity of aging.
When I first started, there were, like... two or three critics that you thought, 'Alright, I hope I get a good review from them.' And now there's millions of them.
No disrespect to Sweden: I didn't think of them as the comedy universe.
I think it's like a relay race. You run, and you hand over the baton, and your kids pick it up. They take the stuff they want, throw the rest away, and keep running. That's what life is about.
My mum, Helen, was hilarious. She had a tremendous sense of humour and was a great singer and tap dancer. For many years, she was the voice of Minnie Mouse in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. She would be in the float as it came along, singing whatever the Minnie Mouse song of the day was. She was a really big spirit in my life.
As I sit here writing and look across the room at Janice, I keep thinking of the most heartbreaking question: which of us will go first?
I'm proud that I have done so many different kinds of things and maintained an amazing family. And I think that's the joy: that I've been able to have everything.
President Clinton knew the course and goes, 'Here's what you want to do here.' By the fourth hole, you wanted to hit him with your putter.
All that time, you go, 'God, am I slipping away here?' And then something great happens, you get a call, and work begets more work.
My parents always looked like they loved being together. That's what I took from them, and that's how my wife and I are. I still feel like we're dating.
Mr. Hitchcock knew what he was doing.
People are always telling you you're done. Someone's always telling you that, especially now in the day of social media.
Time scares me: having enough time to do all the things that I want to do in life, just even in terms of forgetting about the business I'm in.
I've said, I never thought I rebelled. I never - I don't think I've ever had that period. You know, I just had to do what I had to do. You know, I was a good kid.
I pride myself in being able to survive just about any situation on stage now. I can handle pressure.
I can always say I led off for the New York Yankees. It's an amazing feeling.
I love Mickey Mantle. Would I have felt the same if I had known when I was eight years old what I know now?
I have performed my one-man show '700 Sundays' over 400 times now. There were only two times that I can honestly say I was nervous. The first was when I knew Mel Brooks was in the audience, and the second was when Sid Caesar came.
I was a good baseball player. I still play a couple of times a week as part of my daily workout. Just throwing the ball, running around, fielding ground balls, you know. It's better to me than being on a treadmill or some sort of Zumba class.
Your first friends are your truest friends, I find. And the ones that stick are really special.
My girls turned out great.
When you're 65, you're surprised by what turns you on.
I've never looked at - with the exception of little snippets - very much of anything I've done in the last 15, 20 years.
That's the thing that I'm really most proud of: that I'm still... people still would like to see me. I love seeing them.
We're in this together. We are Americans. We all have to do the best we can. And we will because that's who we are.
Losing my parents, who I admired, loved and needed, it took a long time to be able to move on.
I don't go to any of the big Academy parties while the show is on because, invariably, it turns to people watching me watch the host, and it's not comfortable. I watch at home and hope the show gets to be really good.
As far as the media goes, I'm driving in the left lane at 28 miles an hour.
There used to be that you only had four or five critics that you would look to for intelligent conversation, but now there are millions of people who can just press 'send,' and everyone's got an opinion even if no one cares what they say. It makes things a little bit tougher.
I don't like to watch my work after I do it because it just - I'll always look at the wrong things.
Of course my uncle was a giant, but my dad, in particular, had the house filled with these great Dixieland jazz stars, really the best of them: Henry Red Allen, Willie 'The Lion' Smith, Buster Bailey, Cutty Cutshall, Tyree Glenn, Zutty Singleton. These are all big names in the Dixieland world.
