You see idiots on the net but on TV you can't really find them.
— Bob Mortimer
I look at stuff like the 'The Whole 19 Yards' and it reminds me of my childhood watching shows with Mike Reid and kids climbing over obstacles.
I'm not a fan of stand-up comedy, personally. But some of them are incredibly skilled.
Our comedy is just falling over, funny faces, arguments, all the comedy basics, really.
Shooting Stars' changed panel shows a bit for ever, I think.
I had three bypasses in one go, using arteries harvested from my leg and the right side of my chest.
Between the age of 30 and going fishing, none of my friendships had any of that magic dust of when you were young. There was a sort of functionality to them, just keeping in touch. 'Oh, I should invite so and so, I haven't seen them for ages.
I spend a lot of money on the little things that make me happy, like 3 falafels from M&S to eat on the train on the way up to Edinburgh, but I do keep a close eye on the bigger picture. I don't flash the cash ridiculously on expensive things.
You can have a mate for 30 years, it's easy.
That's the thing, you see, we were never good enough to write proper punchlines.
Performing in front of an audience gives you an extra ten per cent energy and the chance to react to the instant feedback.
Before I had my heart problem, if I was asked to do something I would look through a mental file looking for reasons why I could say no.
I come from an era when if you are told that you need a triple heart bypass it sounds pretty terminal. But I think it's quite a normal operation these days.
There's nothing better than just staring at a buttercup, struggling to make an impact on the world.
After I had my heart operation I got really into heart stuff. I did think it would be lovely to go on 'Strictly' just so people could see I wasn't finished. But, sadly, now I couldn't because of my joints. I'd be hobbling around.
Comedy, if it didn't save my life, certainly gave me a very different life.
When I was young, having a heart bypass was, 'Woooh!'
They asked me to go on 'Hell's Kitchen' but I'm banned from reality TV by my wife. She's not up for that kind of tomfoolery.
Families At War' is a show we are very proud of. It was a great show.
We're not scientific comedians, thinking like, 'Things have moved on, we need to do this, we need to reflect the world in this way.'
I was a solicitor once, so I'm truly grateful because I know what it's like to have a proper job.
I don't feel scared about death, I just feel so frustrated and sad to think I won't see how stories end. My children's story. My wife's. The football. All the stories going on in the world that you're going to miss the end of.
There is a theory in showbiz circles that mentally you remain the same age as when you first tasted fame, and I think there is a grain of truth in this.
I didn't think I had time for fishing before I fished.
I was just a toddler when my dad died in a car crash. With my mum, Eunice, being a young widow with a large family, she really struggled money-wise.
The best part of our lives is just every day when we are writing.
I'd always wanted to do something about football, so I did the podcast.
We can write idiots quite well.
House of Fools,' that was the first thing I was sad that we couldn't do any more.
I remember when I worked at the solicitor's - you'd go in, talk to your mates for a bit and then get down to work. With us the talking to your mates part never stops.
I thought I had a chest infection and went to the doctor - five days later I was under the knife. It came completely out of the blue. My arteries were 95% blocked.
I hardly do any exercise because of my arthritis and my joints.
After your heart fails, you just feel really vulnerable for a while. You just want telly and your little house. Then, suddenly, three, four months have passed.
At one point I was putting 17 sugars in my tea. I know it's unbelievable and I do wonder sometimes what my mum was thinking to allow it. The weirdest thing was that if I had 18 teaspoons it was too sweet.
Catterick' was originally a movie. That was what we intended for it and we had the money for it and everything. But we couldn't be bothered - I know that sounds terrible, but it's the truth. At a later stage we went back, split it up and made it into the TV series. But, yeah that was supposed to be a movie and we just didn't bother.
When you have a house full of children, there's never a quiet moment, so I like getting out in the garden for a bit of time to myself.
I never craved having people leave a show saying, 'He's really intelligent, isn't he?' I didn't watch Tommy Cooper and think, 'Oh, he's so bright.' He just made me laugh.
The wife and the kids provide my exercise, but I have to be careful because I have rheumatoid arthritis all over my body.
When they told me I had to have a heart operation, my main memory is standing in my kitchen and thinking what I would really miss was my little tea towel. Not for one minute did I think, 'Oh, I'm going to really miss performing.' The things you're going to miss are your wife, your egg cup, your seat that you sit in to watch TV.
I was so young when my dad died that I didn't think it had affected me. I had such tiny memories of him, just little glimpses, I thought I had been unaffected. But then I realised, somewhere in my late 40s I think, that probably the defining thing in my whole life was losing my dad.
I don't believe in credit or loans.
I was the youngest of four boys, raised in North Yorkshire.
The more cynical commentators on our careers would say that the northern accent has been the basis of our success. There's a certain authenticity to the voice - which isn't to my credit; I was just born there.
Having an audience in the studio makes you perform rather than just act.
Our new programmes have always just been different vehicles for the same sort of comedy.
I've been brewing my own beer with this ex-army bloke.
I don't know much about history.
If you want the best audience, make your way up North to be honest.
Rheumatoid arthritis generally happens when your immune system attacks your joints, but I've had it attack my iris.
Laughter is the only currency I've really ever known. Ever since I was a boy.
