My kids are the offspring of people who are doing reasonably well and live in the centre of London and the chances are they're going to turn out ghastly anyway. Who's to say they shouldn't have a walk-in wardrobe and possibly a stylist from the age of four?
— Claudia Winkleman
Hiring someone to look after your children is about the most important thing you will ever do in your life.
Sex and the City: The Movie' - a bit like the All Saints comeback, and the return of the Jammy Dodger, it feels a little staged and all wrong.
Yes, of course I love little Sarah Jessica Parker. I love the fact that when she accepts awards, she thanks everyone she's ever met and inanimate objects that have 'been kind to her.' And I love the fact that she hasn't had a flesh-coloured mole removed from her forehead (I'm not making it up; have a closer look next time she's on the screen).
Facebook it turns out, is like MySpace but it's not scary. There aren't a lot of angry looking people with nose rings and um, issues.
I'd take Tom Hollander over Brad Pitt any day.
I love skiing. What on earth have I been doing on a beach all this time? I mean, that's for morons - you can get sunburn and really damage yourself.
The only question a girl can ask herself when their husband chooses to see '27 Dresses' is this: What on earth has he done?
Be completely honest - have you ever met someone who you thought was truly clever or interesting or witty who wore fawn?
There's no doubt a bit of chicken in a creamy mushroom sauce with a side order of garlic mash will put a smile on your face.
Rodents are pests and not pets, and anything that manically runs around a wheel 24/7 and occasionally has 19 babies in the middle of the night should not be brought into the house.
Christmas is not a time for laughter. Christmas is a time for pain.
Stockings are tricky for girls - you worry about them falling down all night and the idea that you dress up at 7pm so that your boyfriend can get excited about six hours later is just too much effort.
Men fill up their heads and drawers and sheds with stuff from their teenage years.
Weddings happen once. That's the point. They're a bluster of confetti and hope all wrapped up in sticky wedding cake and four-year-old girls in big dresses with massive bows.
I have always been a little bit forgetful.
I make a good roast chicken.
Now, like a lot of parents, I have to fight with myself every time I leave the house not to buy my children more stuff.
I'm not sure a pretty and stupid man might be the key to a happy relationship.
The character of Samantha Jones proved that women over the age of 40 could be magnificently sexy and attractive to men of all ages.
Facebook, I'm learning, is like a man. You have to be smiley and fun and witty but sometimes you have to play it cool and just ignore it for a couple of hours.
I've always thought MySpace sounds like a new estate agency in central London run by two men who favour large-lapel suits and goatees.
I like small actors. They are my absolute favourite.
The reason why those female celebrities are always in filthy moods is not because they're being hounded by men with massive cameras or because Ridley Scott cancelled their film. They just want to get their hands on a cheeseburger.
There is no film on the face of this earth that is as blatant a girl's film as '27 Dresses.'
When you're down and have just split up from your partner everyone says you have to move forward. 'Get on with your life,' 'It's time to meet someone new,' and 'Don't think about the past' are phrases you'll hear for at least six months after the horrible event.
Being hummed at by someone with magic hands while they knead your neck is good for the soul, but it won't make you giggle for days afterwards. In fact, the second the smiley therapist stops and says, 'You can put your robe on now, the hour is up,' the joy and wonder sort of leaves the room.
Now people who keep fish disturb me the most, if I'm totally honest. They always smell a bit like fish food and they know just a bit too much about eels.
If you meet a girl who says: 'Darling, what do you mean? Of course I wear suspenders. I've worn them all my life. I think tights are for old people,' then know this: she's desperate to have kids, she wants you and her to live in the same house as her mum, she never wants to go out and she just wants to lie on your chest for the next 15 years.
If a straight man dresses well, chances are he's not straight.
Left to their own devices, men would wear trainers with a pair of stonewashed jeans and would think nothing of throwing on a donkey jacket.
Forgetting stuff is just human, especially when other things are on our minds.
I am allergic to fancy dress. This is actual fact.
I avoid envy at all costs.
Grown-up parties are so dull they make me want to throw a tantrum and hurl red wine on the nearest cream-damask armchair.
Seriously, Jamie Cullum could be the smallest person on the planet. He might be lovely and charming and you might think we all should spend more time talking about his piano-playing techniques but, seriously, have you seen how short he is?
Indeed, 'Sex and the City' highlighted the importance of female friendships, and showed the world that it was hip to be single.
Facebook is the first class of social networking. If MySpace is Camden Lock then Facebook is Harvey Nichols.
I share a birthday with Max Beesley and James Nesbitt.
I still have to stand on a box to post a letter.
Top-flight football players are a strange bunch.
There's nothing quite as perfect as going to a dark room where you can eat fattening food next to the man you love. OK. All right. Like. The man you like.
Who actually enjoys skiing? Come on, even Olympic ski masters, even James Bond, think that dressing up in all that fluorescent, insulated kit and having to manoeuvre down a mountain in the freezing cold is no way to spend leisure time.
A dark room with some low-level whale music and a flat bed and a woman pulling your shoulder back and forth is a happy place.
I just don't 'get' pets.
The truth is that tights are just so cosy.
Men are, on the whole, born without any fashion sense whatsoever. I don't say this to be mean, but I'm just being honest.
There's no fun in relationships. OK - that's not strictly true. I will agree that the first bit can be not totally unpleasant. There's the initial meeting and the heart quickening and the stomach-churning excitement of it all.
I couldn't tell you my wedding anniversary (although I seem to remember it was in June. Or maybe July. Definitely a month beginning with a 'J,' anyhow. But not January. Um. I think) and people I went to school with get extremely fed up with me when I bump into them in the street and have absolutely no recollection of their faces.
I won a robotics championship when I was 13.
