It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.
— Dave Barry
We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West.
Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.
Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.
To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.
The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.
The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.
Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.
The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
