I really, really like 'Eastbound & Down.' It's one of the few things that makes me laugh.
— Denis Leary
I can't text. My fingers are too big.
Let me tell you something: I love the Yankees. And let me tell you why: because without the Yankees, there is nobody to hate.
One thing that's great about firefighters: If they don't have the equipment they desperately need, they don't have the help, they don't care. They'll do it on their own.
My dad was very much a John Wayne kind of guy, but he was also a great guy, great sense of humor, a real dedicated dad. I don't think he ever missed a hockey game I was in.
Most people don't know how underpaid and often ill-equipped urban fire departments are across North America.
When I was a teenager, you couldn't get straight pants. Then in '76, when punk started to hit, it was a revelation that you could find straight pants again.
Once you have a firefighter in your family, your family and the families from his crew become one big extended family.
I would have to commit a crime and have cops chase me. That would be the only way to get me to jog five miles.
I'm pretty much a chocolate guy. I'm up for any type of chocolate. Any chocolate.
When I'm on stage, that's me. It's blown up, but that's me.
Temptation's something you have to deal with even if you're not famous. It's harder when you're famous because it's a lot more in your face, and that makes it a little more difficult to walk away from sometimes.
Stand-up comedy and comedy in general is the ultimate form of free speech, because you get to poke holes in all the pretentious bubbles politicians and pundits and popes and pretenders try to float over our heads.
If you see me doing a new stand-up special, it probably means I've been out of work for a while.
I'm not really a Spider-Man fan. I'm more of a Batman guy.
Hockey's my favorite sport.
I don't really have a lot of fun playing just straight good guys. It's not my thing. It's like Tom Hanks territory.
My kids watch everything downloaded; they have no idea what the numbers or the names of the channels mean, except, 'FX makes the show that I see on my computer.' So it's harder to get a show on the air, but at the same time, there are a lot of terrific shows.
My father left Ireland because he did not want to muck horse manure for the rest of his life, and he wanted to come to New York.
I'm a huge Kevin Youkilis fan.
I wasn't the best student. I wasn't stupid, but I wasn't paying a lot of attention.
Doing the same character over and over, it gets boring.
My cousin Jerry Lucey and five other firefighters died in a warehouse fire in Worcester, Mass. - my hometown - right in the middle of our old neighborhood downtown when a homeless couple started a fire to keep warm and the entire building went up. My cousin died trying to save homeless people who had already left the building.
How many whales do we really need? I figure five. One for each ocean.
Usually when you watch a film, you're just sort of biting your nails about things you could have done differently.
I don't want a president like me! I suck, okay. I want an elitist, smart guy.
People saying, 'Life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.' Welcome to the club. I wanted to be the starting center-fielder for the Boston Red Sox, for chrissakes!
No matter what anybody says, relationships are based on physical attraction. The first time I saw my wife, it was pure animal whatever.
I remember 9/11; we had 'Comics Come Home' about a month after those events. That night, even the comedians were concerned. Would the audience be ready to laugh? It was a release for everyone.
I don't believe in the power of words.
First of all, I have to have trucks because I live most of my time on a horse farm, so I've gotta have trucks. It's in the northeast; I've got to have pickup trucks to move snow, number one. Number two, just if I'm driving, I don't have to have an SUV, but I want a big car.
The Social Wishlist on Facebook is a great example of everything right about social media.
Anybody who's done standup will tell you that there's nothing like it. The show starts at 8:00, the curtain goes up and there's nobody else except you and the audience, and you just perform for them for two hours. Nobody yells, 'Cut!' There are no retakes. That is still the most exciting medium for me, and I love it.
I guess you get pigeon-holed in Hollywood, but I'm ok with that because I've been able to do a lot. I started in the theater, then I went to stand-up comedy, and then when I went into the movies to do comedy and drama and big movies and small movies.
My father could swear in Gaelic and English, by the way, ladies and gentlemen.
I like Jesus, I mean, I think he was a good guy.
Firefighters don't go on strike.
I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor.
If you're over 52 years old and you're on Facebook, do us all a favor and log off now.
I always hated the Grateful Dead. Never even bought a Led Zeppelin album.
In addition to my cousin, there were 30 or 40 guys I grew up with who became firefighters as well. So, I've been around firefighters all my life.
There's no male Oprah.
Vacuuming is great. I do the laundry. I love washing machines. I'm the maid in my house.
I've always had a thing for Catwoman. Michelle Pfeiffer or Halle Berry in tight leather pants, with the boots - I'm pretty good with either one.
It would be great if firefighters across the country had the guarantee that they would be making enough money to support their family right from the get-go, but that's not the case.
I really want to do a western film. It's one of my favorite movie genres of all time.
It says on the back of the Nyquil box, 'May cause drowsiness.' It should say, 'Don't make any plans, OK? Kiss your family and friends good-bye.'
My goal is to leave this planet with the biggest carbon footprint I can possibly leave.
Firefighters are some of the most selfless public servants you will ever encounter.
My career plan at this point is 'Ice Age 5' through '10,' and even '12,' and 'Spider Man' - you know, basically I'd be Emma Stone's dad for the rest of my career. I really don't have any problem doing that.
