George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that's what I'm trying to do.
— Drew Carey
I love Las Vegas. I like that Las Vegas has everything. Everything and anything you want to do, you can do in Las Vegas.
I don't do one show and wish I was doing something else.
I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything.
I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.
Libertarians are essentially what the Republicans were 30 years ago. Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan. They'd all fit more under the Libertarian label than the modern day Republican label.
As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything.
Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures.
I don't miss the economic insecurity, the living paycheck to paycheck.
I'm competitive at everything.
Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.
People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look at people who aren't doing better than they are.
The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them.
We'll never see national shows with 45 shares again.
When I play poker, I don't like losing the pot.
I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'
I do get the comics online I guess but it's such a pain. I'd rather just get them in the paper and read them.
Being a celebrity you always get really good seats to sporting events but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports. So one of the scams I have going now is I want to learn sports photography so I can get better seats at a sporting event.
The people of Cleveland hate soccer. But it's my favourite thing and I follow the U.S. men's national team around when they play whenever I can.
I always thought I was going to die before I was 60.
I used to go to the Cleveland Comedy Club all the time. If there was a comic I liked, I'd go see him two or three times that week. Bob Saget was one of those guys.
As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything. If you do, you're screwed.
But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's Big Boy.
Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they're so rich, they feel they don't work that much for all that money - and they don't, for the amount of money they make.
I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.
I'm not against ratings per se. I think more information is always good. But I certainly don't think the government has to step in and set guidelines for how shows should be rated.
Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you.
Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.
There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.
What also helps our show is that we never take ourselves seriously.
When the show's in production, we work for three weeks at a time and then take a week off.
There's a game called Checkout where there's grocery items and it's how much you think the manufacturer's suggested retail price is and we add up your total, then your total has to be within $2 of the regular total. I don't think I could ever win that game.
If I wasn't a comic or TV star, I really wanted to be a photojournalist.
TV is easier: it's all planned out for you and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over.
'Green Screen' was a total experiment. I'm glad we did it, but it was just tough on that network to get it going.
I just liked stand-up comedy so much. I used to memorize Bill Cosby albums and other people's albums, George Carlin, Flip Wilson.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.
I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.
I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian.
Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.
Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.
That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn't ask for a better work environment.
Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there.
When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.
