I had really bad obsessive-compulsive disorder. At its worst, I was compelled to leave my house at three o'clock in the morning and go out in the alley because I just knew that the paper-towel roll I threw in the recycling bin was uncomfortable, like it was lying the wrong way, and I would be down in the garbage.
— Fiona Apple
The worst pain in the world is shame. I spend a lot of time trying to not do anything bad to anyone, but you can't live your life and not hurt people.
As a person who performs on stage, it's good to be emotionally open. If you mess with someone when they are in that state, it's like you're messing with an animal when it's eating.
Life is all about the friendship and the love and the music. It sounds silly, but it is. I want to have that experience as much as I can as an adult, not as a kid doing something that people are telling her she has to do. If anyone gets in my way, I'm going to get them out of my way.
There were songs I would write about breaking up with somebody before I broke up with them, months and months before I broke up with them.
When I was a kid - 10, 11, 12, 13 - the thing I wanted most in the world was a best friend. I wanted to be important to people; to have people that understood me. I wanted to just be close to somebody.
I'm a really good parent to myself sometimes, and I do things that make me learn and grow.
Men are my bread and butter. It's what I live for! I have no shame about that.
I got a lot of problems, but I'm really good at intuiting what I need to do to be happy with whatever I create. I know when to stop myself, I know when to start, I know when to leave something alone. I guess I just kind of indulge that completely, and so I just take my time.
But I honestly don't read critics. My dad reads absolutely everything ever written about me. He calls me up to read ecstatic reviews, but I always insist that I can't hear them. If you give value to the good reviews, you have to give value to the criticism.
I feel like I'm 100 years old. I can't tell you what I did today. I can't tell you what I did for seven years. I can't tell you. It happens so seamlessly - I'm just floating along and seven years go by.
No, I've never wanted kids. But I do read about parenting a lot.
Our ancestors always thought of the worst thing that could happen, and that's why we're alive.
When you're surrounded by all these people, it can be even lonelier than when you're by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don't feel like you can trust anybody or talk to anybody, you feel like you're really alone.
The age thing really bugs me. Do people have more of a right to not like what I say because I'm 19?
Now I feel like whatever I do, no one can hurt me. I cannot be violated, I cannot be humiliated, I cannot be disregarded, I cannot be disrespected.
If I respect myself and believe in what I'm doing, no one can touch me.
I was never somebody who grew up going, 'I really want to be a singer in a band,' and I never had any ambition toward anything, really.
I think I'm better at live shows than I used to be because I'm way more comfortable with the uncomfortable pauses between songs. Now, rather than trying to talk or do a costume change, I'll use those moments for myself. I listen to what other people are playing, or just rest, or dance, even though I don't know how to.
I'm not the Queen. I'm not a huge superstar; I don't get paparazzi around me.
If I have one success in my relationship history, it's with the people who listen to my music. I think that they'll be there with me forever, and I'll be there with them forever. And I'm totally satisfied with that.
I walk my dog at dawn because I don't like people to be around.
Because for whatever reason, even though I want to stay home all the time and be left alone, I want to tell the world who I am now.
In a sense it's a lot crazier when you're on the road and it's a lot less stable, but it's actually really healthy for me because it keeps me from isolating, which I tend to do a lot.
You can live your whole life in your brain and not experience what's around you. You go crazy that way.
The only reason that it takes me seven years to do stuff is because I just don't really have a plan.
I wasn't very ambitious as a child. I'm still not.
I can't remember writing any of the songs that I've written.
I just tend to do things to myself that I don't realize I'm doing. Sometimes I bite my lip so that it splits and hurts, and yet I can't stop. And sometimes I'd play shows on the last run, I'd scratch my neck while I was singing, and I'd horrified to see these red streaks of blood after.
The quick success was a bit strange to get used to.
What's really good is African drum music.
Sometimes interviews are fun and good conversations, but stuff like photo shoots and appearances at places where you have to meet a lot of people - I was never really made for this kind of stuff.
Nothing that you do will ever feel good if you let people convince you that you have no choice.
I've never been to the websites. It's a lot healthier for me to keep out of the conversations about me.
I wrote 'Criminal' in 45 minutes when everyone else went to lunch because I had to have a hit. I can force myself to do the work, but only if someone is right up behind me.
I used to get a shiver if I thought about holding balloons, because I was scared of floating away.
I don't think what I look like is relevant.
I was told so many times when I was a kid, 'I can't be friends with you, you're too intense, you're too sad all the time.' I really thought that when I made the first album that everyone would understand me, all the people who weren't my friends would become my friends.
I don't go on lunch dates with friends. I hear about people having dinner parties, but I never do that. I'm not really human.
You think you're looking at things all the time, but you're not looking at things, you're looking at what your brain is interpreting through light and color. And who knows what everybody else sees?
In a strange way, I'm way more comfortable onstage than anywhere else.
I also just accept that I might never want to write a song again.
Hearing my songs in public freaks me out a bit. There was one restaurant I really liked in L.A., but I had to stop going there when they started playing my music. It felt kinda awkward.
I can bake. I made myself some nice French fries once. But otherwise I just eat out. Lots of salad bars.
And if I'm being honest, I don't think I have an ex-boyfriend who would have something mean to say about me.
You know, I've always thought that it would be really funny if somebody made a romantic comedy where absolutely everything went well from beginning to end.
I don't know if anybody wants to mix their politics with their entertainment.
There aren't many poster children for cool angst. Everybody thinks it's cool if you're the bad girl.
Rape is the most humiliating thing that can be done to you; it's the most vulnerable that you can be. But once I realized that, I became a stronger person and faced all my fears.
My whole life, people have been saying, Why are you so angry?
