The Tories have been offering us a cocktail of incompetence and malice and Labour haven't done anything to draw attention to it. It's been like watching Mesut Ozil drop perfect crosses on to the head of an increasingly frustrated Stephen Hawking.
— Frankie Boyle
We need to take urgent action on climate change.
I worry about everything in this country in particular.
Your ruling class don't care about what happens to you. What seems like some enormous upset in your community is undetectable from a helicopter or a speeding motorcade. They are pitiless.
I'm actually all for political correctness. If you want to work to change the usage of a word that's discriminatory then fine, I'm behind you. But that's a conversation that needs to be had in the culture. You can't just decide that commonly used parts of a language are evil and that the people who didn't get the memo must be bad people.
If you're an activist trying to do something important, I salute you. Most of us just give ourselves ethical brownie points for watching Channel 2 instead of Channel 3, like characters in a broad dystopian satire.
Supporting Rangers, being in an Orange Lodge, that whole life - that's a valid culture.
I did a ski festival in Austria once. I was struck by how friendly Austrians were, before gradually realising it's more that Glaswegians are awful.
People think that the Middle East is very complex but I have an analogy that sums it up quite well. If you imagine that Palestine is a big cake, well... that cake is being punched to pieces by a very angry Jew.
That's what I do in my stand-up. I work hard and hone the material and after a while audiences expect what I do to be good.
The average British person would hear me doing my joke about Rebecca Adlington and realise there's no malice in it. It was an off-the-cuff ad lib.
I don't believe I'm a recovering alcoholic - I'm someone who used to drink. AA comes from a religious movement and that whole thing of 'I'm always burdened with this' and the original sin idea. It's not like that for me.
Comedy is a terrible way to meet women. It's certainly a way to start talking to them, but they always have preconceptions about you.
I read tons of comic books. My favourite is Grant Morrison, a Scottish comic writer.
Comedians shame people.
In my early 20s, there was a period when all I owned was about a dozen CDs and a crappy Discman. I'd listen to 'The Man Who Sold The World' album endlessly as I sat on off-peak trains jerking around the Sussex countryside to and from the asylum I worked in.
I have no real enemies in comedy, but there are a couple of people who I'd laugh about if I heard that their legs had fallen off.
Corbyn sounds like a dreadful town, dresses like a catalogue model for the Sue Ryder shop and won't look significantly different when he's been dead for a week.
I think there is racism at the heart of British policy and has been both in Labour and Conservative times.
I think we live in a quite an immoral society with quite an amoral government and they're going to have to grow up in that and negotiate their own way in it.
There are a lot of problems with democracy. We need to think about how to find the people most qualified for the job.
In the future we will all be famous for 15 minutes. It will be on a daytime magazine programme and we will each wear a tasteful shirt and slacks combination. We'll be interviewed by a soothing voice under a clock that's permanently set to 4pm. We will talk about the weather. We will record for months to get 15 minutes they can use in the edit.
In a lot of farther-flung places in Scotland people are guarded at first, but as soon as they get to know you they really hate you.
Supporting Celtic, waving a tricolour because your parents are Irish - that's a valid culture.
How hard is it to get female panellists?
I've been studying Israeli army martial arts. I now know 16 ways to kick a Palestinian woman in the back.
I'm not cynical at all.
I love the BBC and I think it's a really important thing.
I have some friends who are comedians but not many.
The Internet shows me how limited my interests are - there's everything out there and I'm still looking at what the weather's going to be like in Scotland.
I went through a brief phase years ago of getting Men's Health then I realised there are actually only three ways to do a sit-up and they're just repackaging it endlessly.
I don't think I'm angry. I'm horrified - powered by horror.
Sectarianism is a real problem, but it should be addressed by people engaging with each other - reconciliation.
Remember, taboos are just a map of what a society feels it's acceptable to be neurotic about. Taboos aren't rational.
If I ever get to meet Vladimir Putin, I will probably take my top off and challenge him to an erotically charged wrestling match, which I will let him win.
The No 1 priority in TV comedy today is 'don't frighten the horses,' and it's probably No 2 and 3 as well.
People feel much more comfortable with the 'Fifty Shades of Grey' version of women's liberation: possibly feeling life would be much simpler if the suffragettes hadn't wanted the vote and just really enjoyed chaining themselves to railings.
Of course, it's hard to get interested in the whole idea of government. Nothing ever changes, especially people saying 'nothing ever changes,' despite the fact their kid now has a free nursery place and their aunt was forced to work despite having dementia.
It's always easier to dismiss other people than to go through the awkward and time consuming process of understanding them.
I think you have a lot of rich and Conservative people who control our country who are racist and their views trickle down through things like tabloid papers.
There's still a lot of racism in stand-up.
The thing that nobody really said about Rebecca Adlington is that she looks pretty weird. She looks like someone who's looking at themselves in the back of a spoon.
I think the most important things my book does is to give readers the address of George Monbiot's website and how to get hold of comic books by Grant Morrison.
British people have a really sophisticated sense of humour, because we're exposed to much more than Europeans and Americans, not least in our literary heritage.
I just want to do something that I feel makes a difference.
I've never felt any sense of kinship with other comedians; they've always seemed too needy.
I absolutely loathe adverts. I won't go into the cinema until 20 minutes after the film is due to start because there are so many.
I've said jokes where I thought people might get up and hit me for this. A couple of people have thought about it. But they didn't. It gives you a lot of power, because if you're on shows where people are worried about getting sacked and you're not, then you're transcendent because you say what other people would like to say.
I loved the idea of Bowie as an artist, with his Burroughsian cut-up technique, creating these undecipherable, abstract songs, where we all projected our own meanings onto his jarring word choices and unexpected chord changes.
Doug Stanhope is great - I saw his 'Burning the Bridge to Nowhere' show and it was inspiring. He's like an anti-shaman, taking the sting out of a bunch of things we've chosen to give a symbolic power to. I've made it sound noble and worthy there, it's not, it's really funny.
