If you and I believe two different things, I can attack you verbally all day, but if I can make you laugh and show you the absurdity of your argument, it will lower you guard. People let you in then.
— Hasan Minhaj
Donald Trump is white ISIS - WISIS.
I feel like we have so much to add to this book called the American Dream, and I want to add our chapter to it. I want to talk about what it means to be brown American and this concept of what I feel is the New Brown America.
I think the best comedians have that bravery and courage to say, 'This is what it is. This is unfair; that's not cool.'
I feel like every conversation with my father is like an M. Night Shyamalan movie; 90 minutes of build-up to no payoff.
I'm a huge fan of Beverly Cleary.
Dick Gregory and Richard Pryor laid the groundwork for us as Indian-Americans. How can we add our story to their groundwork is the question.
Political culture has become popular culture.
People still assume the White House Correspondents' Association works for the White House, when in reality, it's a group of journalists who cover the White House. It's a branding thing, but because it has the 'White House' before it, people think they're just King Joffrey's goons.
Free speech is the foundation of an open and liberal democracy from college campuses to the White House.
Sean Spicer gives press briefings like someone is going through his browser history while he watches.
Every time I watch CNN, it feels like you're assigning me homework. Is Trump a Russian spy? I don't know. You tell me - I'm watching the news. It feels like I'm watching CNN watch the news. Just take an hour, figure out what you want to say, then go on the air.
Donald Trump doesn't care about free speech. The man who tweets everything that enters his head doesn't care about the amendment which lets him do that.
As a Muslim, I like to watch Fox News for the same reason I like to play 'Call of Duty.' Sometimes, I like to turn my brain off and watch strangers insult my family and heritage.
A lot of people in the media say that Donald Trump goes golfing too much, which raises a very important question: Why do you care? Do you want to know what he's not doing when he's golfing? Being president. Let the man putt-putt!
Donald Trump is not a 71-year-old white man. He is an Indian uncle. He wears suits that don't fit; he can't speak English properly. He works with his idiotic sons; he hates women but loves his daughter. He makes up words when he gets angry. He is an Indian uncle.
'Shantaram' is fantastic. An Australian prisoner escapes & joins the mafia in India? Sign me up. I love stuff that is based on true stories.
Comedy is very disarming. It's a way to talk about things and still be light-hearted. And when it's done really well, you never see the strings, whereas when you watch an infomercial or a politician speaking, a lot of times you can see the strings, you can see what agenda they're trying to push.
Donald Trump is an extremist leader who came out of nowhere. He's self-financed, recruits through social media, attracts his followers with a radical ideology to take over the world, and is actively trying to promote a war between Islam and the West.
I love air conditioning and Starbucks.
Funny and sad are two sides of the same coin. I think that most comedians are able to tap into deep subject matter.
My dad was the only son from his entire family to come to America, and I was his only son. We had come to the States to achieve security and success for our family. Rules were simple: No fun, no friends, no girls. Go to school, come home, and study.
I'm a big believer in doing everything you can and everything in your power to change the outcome. But health is one of those things you can't control, and it's a very scary thing for me.
My mom worked at the VA for years, so any time I can do anything to help, it's a must.
The news is best when it's serious.
New Brown America represents a whole generation of kids that are descendants of either immigrants or immigrants themselves, that are coming to America, enriching what it means to be an American.
Even the president is not beyond the reach of the First Amendment.
It is 2017, and we are living in the golden age of lying.
Everything isn't breaking news. You can't go to DEFCON One just because Sanjay Gupta found a new moisturizer.
Sean Spicer has somehow been doing PR since 1999, which is 18 years. Somehow, after 18 years, his go-to move was denying the Holocaust.
U.S.A. Today is what happens when the coupon section takes over the newspaper.
I can't emphasize how important free speech is to a liberal and free democracy.
J. Cole's 2014 'Forrest Hills Drive.' The album, artwork, and director of that album was a huge influence on the visuals for 'Homecoming King.'
The movies 'Dope' and 'Straight Outta Compton' blew me away. I love seeing directors and writers of color make amazing slices of pop culture.
I'd rather be an angry optimist than an angry nihilist.
'Stand-Up Planet' was Anthony Bourdain-meets-stand-up comedy.
I think the way comedy is represented on screen is it's either all fart jokes - and it's just laughter for the sake of laughter - or it's one of those things where it's just kind of very preachy, very heavy-handed.
You can hear my opinion on various subjects, but telling my story is the most authentic thing I can do. There's nothing more powerful I can share with an audience.
My biggest inspiration is black America and what they've done in the arts. I have always felt like an outsider in America, and what black Americans have done to add their chapter to this book called the American dream, and to be so unapologetic and true, and have added so much to art and culture in the world.
Being healthy is the crown that only the sick can see. A lot of times, we take it for granted.
Whoever has the best take is what matters. My challenge is finding the best take, and it'll always be that.
Donald Trump does not touch alcohol, which is really respectable. But think about that. That means every statement, every interview, every tweet - completely sober.
'CNN Tonight' should just be called 'Wait a second! Now hold on! Stop yelling at each!' with Don Lemon.
I look like a melanin version of Chris Hayes.
Every time a U.S.A. Today slides underneath my door, it's like they're saying, 'Hey, you're not that smart, right?'
Every time Trump goes golfing, the headline should read, 'Trump Goes Golfing. Apocalypse Delayed.'
Only in America can the first-generation Indian American Muslim kid get on the stage and make fun of the president.
Donald Trump is liar-in-chief.
I'm not a Larry David. I don't have a 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' and a 'Seinfeld' in me.
I'm addicted to chocolate chip cookies. I mean that seriously. If there are chocolate chip cookies, I will devour them.
