Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
— Jeff Foxworthy
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.
