If I wasn't an actress and I wasn't Stifler's mom, my life would be so dull.
— Jennifer Coolidge
A lot of those good-looking girl parts aren't very fun.
The British boys really, really go nuts... to them, an older woman is sexy, and it's an incredible fantasy... I think the American fantasy is still about men wanting control. Maybe American men don't feel as in control of their lives.
Stand-up is a weird animal. There are people who really want to know what you think about things, your opinion on life. But then there are people who think you're just that beautician in 'Legally Blonde,' who doesn't have opinions on anything. Or that I'm Stifler's mom and hot for it all the time.
Unless you write your own movies... you can't really say what you want to say.
The best thing about animated-feature people is that they are very laid-back people. You feel like you're showing up for a backyard barbecue.
I wasn't very good in my serious acting class. Sometimes people took our class so seriously, so I used to, sort of, make fun of people after class. And so a friend of mine said, 'Why don't you do the comedy thing.' That's how it all worked out.
If you're playing a character that someone doesn't like, that's okay, but if you're voicing your own opinions, they actually don't like you!
When you leave L.A. and go to another city, guys are normal again. They like girls their own age.
I hate Spanx.
I have a storage unit, as I moved out of a bigger house into a smaller house in L.A. I put all my stuff in a storage unit, where I have the most amazing collection of bad paintings, which took me 10 years to put together.
As a single woman, I reap the benefits of being Stifler's mom.
The standup thing has been really fun, really seeing the United States instead of reading about it.
I'm kind of harsher than most people.
I always find the most depressing stuff most interesting.
When it's going well, stand-up is the best thing in the world, but when it's not, it feels like all your toes are being pulled off one by one.
A man's ability to haggle is never a turn-on. The only thing less romantic than how much you paid is how much you saved. The last thing we want to hear is how you talked the jeweler down on our new earrings.
I've been many people. I've been the skinny girl. I've been the fat girl. Because I've become a character actress, I sort of fell victim to 'Well, I don't have to look good anymore.'
I think I'm comedy-attractive, but it's never gonna be me and Charlize Theron up there.
It was always the cliche of men leaving their wives for younger women. The playing field is sort of even now. Women make their own salaries. They can do the exact same thing and can have a younger man.
There's something about me that suggests I don't have an intelligent atom in me at all. So people say things to me that they wouldn't say to other people. Insulting, condescending things. They don't think I notice. But, of course, I'm taking it all in.
Dating is... weird.
The minute I started doing comedy, the doors opened.
I wasn't funny. My brother was the funny one in the family.
I have the improv background, but stand-up is different.
When I walk into a video arcade filled with 16- or 17-year-old boys, I may as well be Marilyn Monroe.
Keri Russell is one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen in my life. She's one of those girls that doesn't have that thing when you walk into the trailer in the morning, and your face is all bashed in - like a lot of actors, even the beautiful and handsome ones.
It ends up being a terrible movie if you try and please everyone.
Thank God for Stifler's mom. I don't know if life would be this fun if I didn't have that.
I've made a career of taking roles that other actresses didn't want.
A boyfriend has so much to do with a woman blossoming.
Girls are supposed to be feminine and demure. Comedy isn't about that, so you just have to unlearn it. Certain women are so pretty, they can't go weird enough to be funny. You have to be willing to be ugly. I'm lucky my face can look so hideous.
People have this view, 'Oh, you're in movies, your life is so glamorous' but it can really suck.
Short of spending $10,000, there is nothing you can do to your head to hide the fact that you're going bald.
Physically, no one would ever consider me for the serial-killer lady.
Younger guy are attracted to a strong quality.
When I go on 'The View,' or any of those talk shows, you really don't get to say what you want to say.
The one thing that has helped sustain my career as an actress and a comedian is that people generally view me as fundamentally stupid.
I went out with seven actors in a row. There are problems with that. I've had the really good-looking dramatic actor, and that has its problems. And then I'll go out with the funny guy. It's almost like the funny guy has more to prove.
I wanted to be a dramatic actress. Life doesn't go the way you think it's going to go.
I play so many weirdos in movies that it's nice to play an attractive woman.
Gina Gershon was a year ahead of me in college.
I get the gold-digger part six times weekly. I can play those women into the ground, but I don't want someone telling me that's all I can do.
No one purposefully paints a bad painting. It's someone who's trying to do a good painting, but it's terrible. I have one with a matador, and the bull is going through the blanket. You can tell the painter didn't know how to paint it.
Usually, when you're an actress, you have to audition 20 times.
Standup is just dirtier, a far more risque kind of thing.
When you're an actress, there are only a few times you can really get paid. One of them is doing a sequel. They can't fake you or hire another actor to play you.
I dated a guy who played bad guys in movies all the time, and I think he was just a bad guy.
I don't actually go on the Internet that much.
As young, hot actors living in Hollywood, you get even more attractive.
