The one curse in America is that we deny who we really are and what we like.
— Jim Norton
It's nice to have funny friends. I like watching my friends perform.
I'm boring. I really don't do much.
The image people have of comedians staring defiantly over a stationary line of good taste is simply inaccurate. We don't approach this line, put our toes over it arrogantly and then scamper back to safety. The line doesn't exist.
I unloaded trucks for a living and I hated it.
I'm not really great at writing things down unless for a roast or a particular event.
It's surreal to be hanging out on Ozzy's patio with him talking politics. It's so funny when people doubt that he's with it because he's a really sharp, smart guy.
I figure I do a lot of things, none of them particularly well.
It's not a hard job, radio or standup, there are hard parts of it, sure. There are guys who do ten hours of construction a day don't want to hear me talk about my job being difficult. Compared to what a lot of people do, this is genuinely easy.
Language in comedy is very violent.
Lenny Bruce did clean TV. You have to be able to do that, I think, to succeed because if you want to promote something, you go on 'The Tonight Show' or 'Letterman' or whatever, you can't be dirty.
Wherever I go, there is definitely my audience. I would say in some places there's more of them than others, but it's one advantage to performing for a long time and building up kind of a reputation with a certain crowd.
I hate a well-lit room.
I am a really bad boyfriend.
I once had a therapist fall asleep on me. That really wrecks your self-esteem.
I like being single.
I get bored really fast.
I never expect anything. The more good things that happen the better, but I never expect anything.
I'm a much nicer guy than people think I'm going to be.
Being a harsh, dirty comic, the last person on earth I ever expected to help my career was Jay Leno. I had always thought of performing on 'The Tonight Show' as an unachievable goal, because I bought into the myth that only squeaky clean, family-friendly material would be welcome there.
I choose to believe that we are addicted to the rush of being offended, the idea of it, rather than believing we have become a nation of emasculated children whose only defense against an abyss of emotional agony is a trigger warning.
I got a GED when I was 21 and it doesn't mean anything to me now. I'm still a high school dropout and I like the fact that I've had a good life without that.
Well, audiences will laugh at a lot of things that comedians won't.
I like Fox, but I also like Anderson Cooper and Don Lemon.
I'm always tired.
The more disgruntled the white people are, the happier they are to see me, that has to be it. I do really well in Boston, I do really well in Cleveland, I do really well in Philly, Jersey, certain parts of Florida. Places where there are really really aggressive white people tend to love me.
Comedians want honest discussion because it affects us. We make our living talking, so anything around language affects us greatly.
I don't worry about the crowds agreeing with me anymore. I want them to laugh and have a good time, but I think they can disagree with you and still enjoy it.
I get away with 10 times more on 'Leno' than I would on any other show.
Being 'edgy' is not just cursing. There are some things socially that are just not acceptable to make fun of. Anything with race, they really won't let you do on TV unless it's completely soft.
I have exposed so much of my own real life. Like I feel like I always try to be honest and I always try to talk about where I am at and what I want.
I always wore a hat. They were gonna throw me out of high school because I wouldn't take my hat off. But it was just a deep insecurity about my awful hair.
The media is a very necessary thing in our country to keep people honest.
I like to keep busy, because otherwise I'd be languishing by myself.
It's fun to pick the worst jokes you can think of.
I don't care if I offend people. I really don't care.
Trevor Noah is a great, relevant young comic, and Comedy Central is smart to stand by him.
People say that Americans trends are transient, but the one activity we never seem to tire of is being outraged. Boy, do we love it!
Realize that doing comedy is only going to make your depression worse.
You know, a comedian's comedian is just that - it's a guy who's original and funny and can make comics laugh.
My job is to be funny.
You can't apologize for who you are on a stage, you can reveal who you are but don't apologize because that's begging the audience to turn on you.
Everyone has a reason why their particular sacred cow is the sacred cow to be honored.
I am a degenerate, and I know that.
You know, Americans think that they're such progessive and free thinkers, but we're as uptight as any other country when it comes to speech and language and content.
I've done 'Letterman' twice and he was friendly, he said hello as he was shaking your hand and in front of the audience, but you never spoke to him before or after.
Communicate and just be open with each other. Have an unpleasant talk once in a while so it does not turn into a festering resentment, which is inevitable. It has happened with every girlfriend I have ever had.
I don't have jokes that I can't defend.
I'm afraid if I start to enjoy life, the rug will be yanked out from beneath me.
I know that I have a good career and I'm really busy, but there's always that part of my mind that's like, 'You're not doing enough, nobody knows you're alive, you're failing.'
