I need to recognise that everyone is an individual and that the key to a good relationship is to recognise that. This does theme to be a theme in my stand-up as well as my writing!
— Jon Richardson
I get quite frustrated about a lot of things on a day-to-day basis. I can't help it; it is an impulse with me.
I shouldn't still be working out how to be misanthropic singleton comic when I'm 60. I should have moved on by then.
I'll be doing stand-up for the rest of my life. The opportunities that it grants you can't be denied. Stand-up is both the hardest thing I do and the thing I enjoy most.
Each show is a very honest portrayal of how I'm feeling that night. It can go off in any direction. The show is different every night, and that makes it much more exciting. Every evening is unique.
When you're single, you're not beholden to anyone, and you can shut down more easily. In the past, I had the idea that I'd live in a caravan with a dog near a pub with no responsibilities. But now, when bad things happen in the world, I feel responsible for them because they're going to impact on my daughter.
There are many problems with being a comedian: the travel, the late nights, the pressure, the fear of running out of funny things to say.
OCD is a really serious condition - it's a proper thing. It's not just, 'Oh, you like your pens to be straight'. For me, it would always go in tandem with being unhappy. The unhappier I was, the worse it got.
I'm still very much a Northerner. I try to have chips and gravy twice a week.
Stand-up is still my job. That is the thing I wanted to get into when I was 21. You cannot beat the immediacy of it, making people laugh without any interruptions or edits.
In reality, as a comedian, you're successful because you're funny, and you should be able to be funny about anything.
My personal opinion is that I don't ever do jokes that are about disability or cancer or what are seen as 'edgier' topics. I've been affected by those things myself, and I think that comedy should be a safe place for people.
There are things I wouldn't do when hosting, like get people up on stage or get the audience doing a sing-song or something like that.
My wife's biggest fear is air pollution, living in London as we do. She's convinced that's the big problem. And my own is sink holes and the inevitability of us all, at some point, collapsing into a sink hole and never being seen again.
I think comedy can be a way of sugar-coating a pill that needs to be taken, and whatever I complain about onstage, I hope I justify the negativity by using humour to make the point.
No book has ever made me laugh as much as 'I, Partridge.'
I think more people should worry about where they store things in the fridge. I don't think people are on top of separating raw and cooked ingredients.
I do enjoy doing the TV work, but I try to be careful not to do too much. Otherwise, you end up being recognised just for being on television rather than for your own stuff.
I cannot stand when you go to a wedding and get fed tiny portions. I want everyone to have a good feed on my wedding day, so I plan on having several types of sausage, mash, and gravy up for grabs. Every guest will have a Yorkshire pudding, too!
People associate me with being pernickety and down. In the past, I was guilty of keeping myself like that just to maintain my comic persona.
I'm very lucky to be a comedian, and I feel privileged that people come to see me in the expectation that I will make them laugh.
I got shingles on the day of the EU referendum. It's good to see that my stress has got worse as I've got older and that now there is a physical element to it!
I'm almost always trying to be funny, even when I'm on my own. I think it's the desire to channel my anger and frustration into something more positive than sitting at home being unpleasant.
I'm all about the slapstick, generally. If you fell off it, into it, or through it, I'm probably nearby wetting myself.
I've had a lot of compulsions throughout my life which mainly started as a teen around the time I was doing exams.
Comedy gigs are there because you are all in acceptance that the world is not the way it should be. You have to give yourself a break; otherwise, you would sit crying in a darkened room.
It doesn't mean you can't discuss important things, but I would never do a joke about cancer, just because I don't think any joke is funny enough to justify upsetting someone who is going through that.
I've never said I have OCD, as I haven't been diagnosed.
If I had a choice, I would rather watch a comedian not involve themselves in politics at all but be hilarious than someone who doesn't really know what they're talking about getting on their soapbox and complaining.
When you are single, you're invested in the world because you have to be, because that's all you've got. When you have a kid, it's not more or less; it's just a different way of worrying about the world. And worrying about the world after I'm dead.
I think a pessimist is just an optimist who has had their heart repeatedly broken.
I put a lot of effort into not upsetting people and trying to do things the right way, so I feel I can reserve the right to complain when I feel let down by others.
I always mention stacking the dishwasher - any opportunity. But it's the consequences - it's the food poisoning and the potential death that will come with not loading the dishwasher properly.
If you don't wash dishes properly, you will get ill. And you will lose friends because they'll come to your house, you'll give them tea in a filthy cup, and they'll never see you again.
Somewhat naively, I entered the BBC's 'New Talent Competition,' believing it was for people who had never tried comedy before. I remember sitting in the dressing room before the show and hearing the other acts - who all knew one another - talking to Rhod Gilbert about how he must be about ready to go 'full-time' as a comic.
I like small parties with people I know. I like eating pizza at home with my girlfriend.
A 'nidiot' is something different from an idiot. An idiot is someone whose problems are caused by not concentrating enough. A 'nidiot' is someone who makes his life more complicated by thinking too much rather than not enough. I'm not an idiot, but I'm definitely a 'nidiot'!
Having a child has been the most unexpected privilege, as I spent so long on my own thinking it would never happen.
I love the privilege of looking back on my life every three years, turning it into a comedy show, and sharing it with an audience. It's incredibly cathartic.
The best thing about being a comedian is that, unlike the other jobs I've had, none of the bad things seem to matter because it's the best job in the world.
I remember a night when I was living in Swindon on my own, and I couldn't sit on the couch because there were two cushions, and I couldn't sit equally between them.
To say I wasn't such a hit with the ladies would be a very kind way of putting it. I was a slow burner, shall we say.
I try not to listen to the other comedians performing before me because they will probably be funnier than me.
Early thirties for women is a very intense time. If you want kids, and you're not in a relationship, there's an urgency there, so they're forced to mature quicker. It's easy for a man in his thirties to be immature - you can have kids into your fifties, whereas women just can't.
I'm neurotic by nature, but I'm wary of becoming more of a play than a comic - you don't want people coming to see a man having a breakdown for two hours. I'd prefer them coming to hear my astute and witty observations.
I need to keep my ad-libbing skills honed and make sure I'm able to banter with people and treat topics a bit more light-heartedly. But as a stand-up, first and foremost, my job is to make sure that I can write the routine that hopefully people will talk about when something big happens.
When I'm filming a documentary, I feel like I should be the straight man, watching with a raised eyebrow.
I certainly tried to talk about less complex things, but I've had to accept that it's just not what I do. That isn't to say that my shows are depressing - they aren't. At least, I hope they aren't! The problem I have with stories about happy things is that they don't require any skill from a comic - they just repeat the details verbatim.
'One Leg Too Few' by Peter Cook is a perfect sketch. The setting is ridiculous, the language is beautiful, and the performances make the most of every syllable and movement.
The only big life challenge I think I'm worried about is a mid-life crisis because I've done so little. I think if people who've lived normal lives have mid-life crises and buy motorbikes, what is a man who's done nothing?
