Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.
— Josh Billings
Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.
There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them.
There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.
No one can disgrace us but ourselves.
It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too.
It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.
One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.
Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.
There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.
A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.
The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at.
There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.
As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.
Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.
About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.
Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since.
Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.
Don't ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it.
I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.
Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.
There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.
If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety.
It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.
Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.
Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.
The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm.
Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.
Remember the poor, it costs nothing.
Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.
Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.
A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.
I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.
Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected.
If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself.
It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to commit.
