Growing up in New Jersey, bat mitzvas were all about the elegant parties.
— Judy Gold
Joan Rivers broke down barriers, advocated for free speech, and never apologized for who she was.
The more life experience you have, the more comedy you can write.
There is nothing - nothing - like writing a great joke and having that joke kill onstage.
I realize as I get older that stand-up is a huge part of who I am. I think I'll do it for the rest of my life.
I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners.
Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.'
Remember the phrase - 'Act your age, not your shoe size?' That didn't apply to me, as they were the same until the age of 12 when my feet stopped growing.
My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting.
I worked at Military Media, an advertising agency for military-base newspapers. Don't ask, I won't tell.
Female comics cannot dress provocatively on stage.
If I wasn't true to myself, I couldn't live with myself.
I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit' button and would say whatever came into my head. Most of the time, what came out of my mouth was the very thing everyone else was thinking - but too polite or afraid to verbalize.
Unfortunately, I cook for two boys, and they don't care what it looks like on the plate, and neither do I.
I do believe that it's something that we don't talk about, but when there are clearly defined gender roles, it is much simpler. Because you don't have to think, which people apparently don't like to do.
As scary as it was being raised by one Jewish mother, I have to feel for my kids because they have two Jewish mothers.
When you see another tall woman on the street, you nod, sort of like Orthodox Jews.
In America, I've been told so many times that I look 'too Jewish' that I stopped counting.
We all know showbiz isn't easy, but being a comic - especially being a female comic - can be quite punishing.
I like being able to donate my comedy to charity. I'm not a billionaire, and I can't write checks.
Some people use stand-up to get something else in their careers, but it's truly the art form of stand-up I love.
The fight in theatre is focus, focus, focus.
I'm not selfish at all.
I always dreamed of living in N.Y.C.
My mother is a tall woman - as is everyone in my family. At her prime, she stood 5 feet 9 inches, which is quite unusual for a woman born in 1922.
Women risked their lives for the right to vote. When I hear people say, 'Oh, I'm not gonna vote,' I just wanna tear their heart out.
I try to win the love and approval of strangers, since it didn't work with my family.
Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative.
Joan Rivers was my hero.
Of course I love cooking Eastern European food because I'm a Jew, but I also love making roast chicken. I love making Hungarian goulash. There are a lot of egg noodles in my cooking.
I started taking all these cooking classes. I learned a lot in them, but you think you're going to retain it, and you don't. Under the pressure, it's hard to retain everything.
I live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I live in a 950-square-foot apartment with one bathroom and two sons.
When I was a kid, I'd read about celebrities who didn't want to talk to their fans after a show. I told myself, 'That's terrible, and I would never do that.'
There is no reason to be ashamed of who you are.
When Joan Rivers walked through the curtain on 'The Tonight Show,' nobody in my house was allowed to utter a sound. Her gait was full of pep and purpose and her voice unmatched.
Joan Rivers was a role model to comics everywhere, but especially to women. She got the first laugh and the last laugh.
I love the vulgar. I kind of have the humor of a 17-year-old boy.
To have a job making people laugh really is the greatest thing.
I've gotten resistance for my entire career.
My mother loves it when I talk about her. Half the time, I think she says things that she knows will go straight into the act.
My partner and I had our first son in 1996, and the office became the baby's room. Our second son was born in 2001, and the office became the kids' room.
For me, humor is everything!
My Shabbat dinner is not to be reckoned with.
It's fun to be someone else.
I have decided now that my mother should be the GPS woman, don't you think? That would be fantastic: 'Make a left in 11 miles. Get over now - I want you to be prepared. Turn right on Elm Street, I want to see if Myrna Rosenblatt is still alive. Make your second left by the Dairy Queen. Don't go in, they're anti-Semitic.'
The first time I did stand-up was on a dare.
I've never been on one of these shows where you have to make alliances and be a team player.
I would love to get married, first of all, from my children's perspective. People don't think of children when they think of gay marriage, but I do have children, and for them to see their family validated as other families are validated and protected by our government, yes.
If I was married to a man, and I had the same life situation that I have, it's the perfect recipe for a sitcom.
Comedy is the most palliative way to make a point. People are more willing to listen if they can laugh.
