Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that.
— Karl Pilkington
Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do.
I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see.
We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, 'Well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species.'
I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester.
You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go.
I think it's a problem when something's a dream because it'll never live up to your expectations. It's better to go somewhere thinking it'll be horrible, and then be pleasantly surprised.
For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see.
I sometimes wonder how we're short of cod. There's gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it's a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should tell people they're running out of all sorts. Make 'em panic a bit.
Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard.
People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone!
With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads?
I've learnt that, even though I've travelled about, I haven't changed that much.
I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax.
Chinese people age overnight.
At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is.
It's like there's some unwritten rule that if you're mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don't really get that annoyed about it.
All fame is is having people you don't know coming up to you and saying, 'Hello.' I'm always polite and people are always nice, but it's weird.
I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere.
We should all love animals.
I love nature - it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there.
I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan.
Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.'
Making the 'An Idiot Abroad' series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I'd hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill - just like everyone says.
I don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm not important, am I? I'm not doing anything that makes a difference.
I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.
Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone.
I think it's mental to pay for water. Where is that water coming from? Are they in the hills puttin' it into bottles when years ago it used to roll down and go into the lakes?
I've never worried about life's big questions.
If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people.
I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.
I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too.
I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great.
Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school - constant noise, really.
People always tell me I'm going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option?
With acting, I didn't get much from it.
People say if bees die out, the world would end, apparently. Now, I don't know if that's true, if that's some bee enthusiast who managed to write a good document, and people believe this.
It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed.
I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life.
If you're doing the same job every day, there's room for error.
I've done some luxury flying, which is brilliant. It has only happened once or twice, but it was nice because flying is the worst part of the holiday. But then again, if the plane crashes, you're still dead. For that much money I'd want a little capsule that whizzed me off to safety if it was going to crash.
If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented.
I don't know what 'famous' is, really.
I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest.
The other day I was thinking - because I get a lot of headaches - I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't, dangling at the bottom somewhere.
Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on?
I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.
People who live in glass houses... have to answer the door.
The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death.
I don't know what the future is, but you just do it whilst it's there, don't you?
