You don't want to throw out a good idea and have nobody get excited about it. It takes the wind out of your sails.
— Kevin Nealon
I used to go to the Hollywood YMCA when I first came here, and I was standing in front of the mirror doing curls, and I noticed this guy next to me also doing curls. He was grimacing a lot, and I noticed he had an underbite. I looked more closely and realized it was Bruce Springsteen.
I lived in Germany from when I was 6 until I was 10, so, of course, I played soccer. When I came back to the States, nobody played soccer, and none of the schools taught German, so I couldn't continue to excel in those categories.
I just loved stand-up comics as a kid. I'd watch them on 'The Tonight Show,' and I thought what a great craft it was to come out on stage with no instrument or anything and be able to entertain people.
I am very romantic. In fact, I just renewed my vows... although it was with another woman.
Definitely not a TV junkie. I only record shows I want to see but usually never get around to watching them.
I think there's a part of me that might be my alter ago, like the carefree, do-what-he-wants kind of guy, because I've been so restrained most of my life, going to Catholic school and being the good son and the good husband. It's a fun escape route for me sometimes to lead that life.
I'm a member of the Studio City Driving Range. They have a nice little par-3 AstroTurf course and driving range. You know, I don't belong to a course because I don't golf that much, so it's not worth it for me to join a club.
I feel guilty: when I'm not golfing, I feel like I should be golfing. And when I'm golfing, I feel like I should be home working or spending time with the family. So it's a real conundrum.
To this day, I haven't felt like I've made it. I'm waiting for them to pull the rug out from under me. I kind of feel like George Plimpton; I'm just experiencing this whole business with the really talented people.
Sometimes people come to my standup show, and they think they're going to see Doug Wilson. Or they see me on the street, and they call me Doug Wilson.
My adrenaline is definitely going, but it's mostly my real, laid-back persona carrying over on stage. When I first started, I was nervous, I'd be really high energy, and I'd be sweating. Now it's just my job. It's like a machinist who goes to work every day and uses the same drill bits. He's not worried about taking his finger off.
I have a severe addiction to 'Angry Birds.' I always tell myself, 'One more game...' But then there's always another and another and another.
Standup really is a young man's game, a single young man's game. Even when I was younger, when I wasn't single, it was hard to be on the road because you go through relationships because your girlfriend kinda got tired of you being gone.
It's kind of fun when you're playing characters that aren't quite on the up and up and people still like you.
When I first began doing TV pilots, my expectations were high. I didn't understand that world. So when 'Weeds' took off, I was so happy. Especially as I was just a guest star in the pilot. But once it got picked up, they made me a regular cast member.
When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour's worth of material together.
I worked for a temp agency called Manpower.
I was 5-foot-8 when I graduated high school, but then I shot up to 6-foot-4 and got more into playing basketball.
I think having a child makes you calm down. You sit still.
I've been involved in animal issues for quite a while, going back 24 years. I started reading up on factory farming and slaughterhouses and animal cruelty, and it didn't make sense for me to be part of it.
Any day that is designated to shower the person you love with love is my favorite holiday.
Print is definitely more nutritious. When I leave a website, I'm hungry again an hour later - especially the Chinese websites.
The thing is when I started doing standup, you had to have a clean act because that's how you got on television. There weren't all these cable shows. Also, I didn't want to have that kind of act in case my family came to see me or my kid one day.
I've done this commercial with Arnold Palmer. He doesn't play that much anymore, but it'd be fun to have him in the cart.
People recognize me once in a while and appreciate the work. It gets a little embarrassing, but it's good. If you work as an accountant, you don't have people coming up to you in the streets saying, 'Hey, great job on tax statements!'
I always tell people if you think you are susceptible to a blood clot, go check with your doctor.
With music, you're laying it all out there. They're judging you right away, and you can lose them quick. With the comedy, you've always got another joke to redeem yourself. Or, even if you've only got one joke, at least the punch line is at the end. Then they have to at least pay attention until the end.
Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness.
A novel is too much of a commitment. I tend to peruse Twitter - I check to see if I had any mentions and read the latest messages.
Basically, I'm a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing.
I see the love in my child's eyes when he sees me, and I know it's gigantic. As an older person, I've been in love before, and I've loved, but this is really an immense, out-of-control-proportion amount of love that you can't even describe.
I grew up watching stand-ups and thought it was so entertaining and unique - you didn't see that as a job description anywhere.
I play a lot of sports. I'm not real good at any of them. I'm above adequate.
All I ever wanted to do was stand-up. It kind of charges me and gives me a rush.
It was football I enjoyed most. When I moved to L.A. to become a stand-up comedian, I thought it might be a good comedy hook to also be the punter for USFL club The L.A. Express, so I started practicing for the tryouts. Luckily, my stand-up took off, and I didn't need to do it.
I don't feel the pressure and stress of having to be a comic in a club every night. I accomplished a lot of things; I did lot of things, and I don't feel like I'm missing out when I am home with my son.
I like YouTube; it's really entertaining. A lot of it is crappy stuff, but there are a couple diamonds in the rough there.
I tend to listen to Sirius XM Radio.
I recently purchased an iPad 2 because I didn't want to wait for the iPad 3 and iPad 4.
You see things through a different lens when you have a child.
I met Adam Sandler through 'Saturday Night Live,' and we became friends.
Every time I think of Doug Wilson, I think 'pathetic.' When it comes between something for himself or something for righteousness, he'll choose himself.
My heart started running away, like a pack of horses. Then it slowed down and became irregular.
I think I definitely would have ended up in some kind of show business. I was very interested in music when I was younger. This was back when Crosby, Stills and Nash were around.
I really like to read when I'm eating - 'The New York Times' or the 'Wall Street Journal,' paper version.
You really have to be ambitious and have that drive to really become well known and successful as a standup.
As you get older, subconsciously you start thinking about mortality and protecting your offspring. It opens up a whole new avenue of life experiences.
When I would see my friends with their kids, I was envious that you can use children to get out of just about anything. If you don't feel like going to a dinner party, you could say, 'My kid's sick. I can't make it.' Who's gonna argue with you?
A special validates you as a stand-up by documenting your material.
