I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.
— Kinky Friedman
The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'
I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.
These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.
I don't remember the first half of my life. All I say is a happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.
The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.
May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.
I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.
Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.
When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.
I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.
I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
I don't apologize to people with an agenda.
How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?
We've had to be creative to get on the ballot.
I see an issue I like, and I support it.
No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.
We were a country band with a social conscience.
I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school.
You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.
Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.
I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!
We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.
I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow.
Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.
Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.
I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.
Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.
Young people are the key to this election.
The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.
William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.
The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life.
Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.
And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.
I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.
I'll sign anything except bad legislation.
The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.
If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you.
We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.
If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.
A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.
