Before Twitter, if comedians wrote what they had for lunch on a Post-it and put it through your letterbox you wouldn't find it acceptable - but now apparently it is on Twitter.
— Lee Mack
I've never been able to keep my finger on the pulse of fashion.
I talk a lot when I'm nervous.
Genuinely my big thing and the reason I'm in 'The Miser' is because I always ask myself one simple question when I'm offered anything: Will it get me nearer to being 'Doctor Who' or further away?
I would make it illegal to walk into a comedy club with a tie on.
I don't understand why you would want to watch someone giving birth.
I bought myself a juke box with my first bit of TV money and since then I don't think I've ever really gone mental.
Now and again I'll bump into people and say, ‘I'm a big fan of yours. Would you like to be in my sitcom?' And they say, ‘Oh yes,' but when it comes to the booking, they don't want to do it.
I used to tell people I was a comic and they'd be fascinated. Now all you get is: ‘Oh yeah, my cousin Steve's a comic.'
The problem isn't that there's not enough women in panel games. The problem is there's not enough women in comedy in general.
Going on stage is a performance, it's an act; you're playing a version of yourself. I don't give it a lot of thought. I clock on, I tell jokes, I clock off again.
Telling lies is the easy bit, but telling the truth and pretending you are lying is hard.
When people say, 'I don't like laughter on a TV show', I think, 'How do you cope when you're watching a stand-up gig live?' - it's the same thing!
Not Going Out' is a pretty neutral sitcom - to quote the 'Seinfeld' thing, it's not really about anything.
My wife and I have always thought it odd that, on social occasions, couples play the ‘hot tub fantasy' game where you're allowed to pick a celebrity you'd like to share a hot tub with.
I hate all adverts for alcohol. They're evil. All of them.
If it's not a film in which Harrison Ford's wife is being kidnapped, I'm not interested; he's my hero.
The default position now is that comedians do Twitter but I don't know why. Every bad story you see about a comedian has a connection to Twitter.
I never have fixed subjects that I discuss on stage. I never go on with any particular subjects in mind.
I think very simplistically.
But it's true, I was a sports organiser at Pontins - one of a series of terrible jobs I had before I started doing comedy full time.
I would say about 90 per cent of drunken idiots in comedy clubs wear ties, particularly in London where I work most of the time.
I don't know how I've managed to reach the age of 45 as a professional comedian and not watched more 'Simpsons,' considering everyone says it's one of the best shows ever.
London's got less of a group identity because it's a melting pot and it's bigger. Whereas if you're from Glasgow or Newcastle or wherever, the group atmosphere is already there.
Everyone talks about the gags, but the most difficult thing is coming up with the stories. You have to learn to do that for sitcoms.
Neck-down comedy was no longer valid after the 1980s alternative comedy revolution. Everything became about the cerebral. And with that came positive things - it helped get rid of some of the sexism and homophobia - but it also meant a lot of physical comedy was lost.
I know comedians who go on weird day trips in order to have random experiences they can talk about. They'll go on their own to Thorpe Park waiting for something hilarious to happen. That's really sad.
I don't look at comedy as a sliding scale of offensiveness.
I can remember weird things from way back, but not what I had for breakfast.
When I tell a joke, I don't think about who's listening to it. I tell the jokes I think are funny.
My kids would say I'm strict, but I don't think I am.
I've tried everywhere, but my garden shed is the most effective place to write.
I'm a huge fan of stuff like 'Planet Earth' and the American sitcom 'Everybody Loves Raymond.'
Bobby Ball, who plays my dad in 'Not Going Out,' is very funny. He has a magical sense for comedy that nobody has been able to replicate.
The best comedy you can ever have is when you're in the pub with your mates. You can never beat that. That's what I try to recreate in stand-up.
I could have done a night at the O2 in London, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm not being big-headed, but for my act I can't be talking to an audience of 12,000 people. There's no intimacy.
It's always been my favourite show and I am on a mission to get on 'Doctor Who.'
I have to say I like Edinburgh, but I'm not a big fan of the Festival - I like it but I'm not a massive fan.
I really don't like reality television and the nonsense that comes with it.
There's nothing more damning in life than a child calmly and coldly saying, 'Are you aware that you're teaching me bad habits?'
Not Going Out' is what I'm most proud of.
Comics were always the lowest rung on the ladder, front of cloth at the Royal Variety Performance. What that means is you're only there so Take That can set up behind the curtains.
When men sit around and talk, they are very competitive. One person will tell an anecdote and the next person will try to top that. When you get six women together, they share a lot more. They will be far more interested in what the other person has to say. The conservation is more interactive and less about individually showing off.
We're all basically decent human beings so if 3,000 people are laughing at a joke then it's worth telling.
I like Cornwall and particularly the Isle of Mull on the west coast of Scotland where I got married. It's absolutely beautiful.
I'm like a goldfish. My memory is terrible.
I've realised that my strength is writing around people.
Yes, if I wasn't a happily married man with three children, Emma Bunton would definitely be my hot-tub fantasy date.
I use Wikipedia and eBay; I look for singles for my 1950s jukebox.
When I was little, I used to get a comic - 'Cheeky Weekly' - which was a weekly comic whose main character was Cheeky. I used to get 'Roy of the Rovers,' too.
