We women are constantly at war with our bodies, it is hard to find amnesty for ourselves.
— Margaret Cho
My former bullies pay extra to come backstage and meet me after shows, and I pretend not to know them in front of their friends. It is the most divine pleasure to exact the revenge of the brutalized child that resides within.
I thought I was so ugly for so long, and I wasted so much of my life on this dumb notion.
I love New York. I love working here.
Snooki is really beautiful and looks quite like Elizabeth Taylor in 'Cleopatra.' She has the same bone structure. I'm kind of obsessed with 'Jersey Shore.' People don't give them enough credit for how entertaining they are.
I really love Steve Martin and all the stuff he did in the '70s. I think it's really great.
Comedy was all I ever wanted.
I am into belly dancing. I used to only hang with comics. Now I have friends who are dancers, and my whole house has a harem feel.
I can never tell when something is funny. I just have to do it onstage and find out.
I think self-deprecation is such a disease, and I want to cure everybody of it and so that's my contribution.
If you say you're not a feminist, you're almost denying your own existence.
If we have the opportunity to be generous with our hearts, ourselves, we have no idea of the depth and breadth of love's reach.
The incognito of lower class employment is an effective cloak for any dagger one might wish to hide.
Privacy and security are those things you give up when you show the world what makes you extraordinary.
Love is the big booming beat which covers up the noise of hate.
Try to put your happiness before anyone else's, because you may never have done so in your entire life, if you really think about it, if you are really honest with yourself.
I love drugs, but I hate hangovers, and the hatred of the hangover wins by a landslide every time.
Comedy was the key to everything. I grew up fast and controlled my future by bringing it on faster than it naturally unfolded. I cheated myself out of a childhood but then got a running headstart into adulthood that no one else could keep up with.
I will never stop complaining.
I punished myself and avoided my reflection in mirrors and any windows. I would see myself reflected back, and I would look away, trying to pretend I didn't exist, because I hated myself so much.
I love fashion, I'm actually a pretty talented seamstress, so I can make stuff for myself, but that's really time-consuming.
I love singing and that's kind of my new thing.
I'm writing a record of comedy songs. I'm doing all these collaborations with artists. I bring them lyrics and they write the music to it.
It's very hard for a woman in comedy. It's hard for women to be bold and not care what anyone, particularly men, think. Maybe that is why so many women comics are lesbians.
I can't drag myself away from 'Final Cut Pro.' It is a digital video editing system. I am obsessed with it, but I am always away from home, and I can't use it.
When you feel powerful, you are willing to stand up for your rights, you are willing to stand up for what you believe in, you're more willing to stand up and be counted.
Why can't all different types of women be considered beautiful? Why can't we can't we all be considered possible love interests?
It is tragic that people who are incarcerated are unable to vote. They are probably the most important voices to listen to because they can tell us what we need to change.
Some people are that - more than a parent, more than a role model, more than anything less than a religion.
Politics has less to do with where you live than where your heart is.
My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don't have sex - ever. Now that the milk is free, we've both become lactose intolerant.
Maybe I wanted to hear it so badly that my ears betrayed my mind in order to secure my heart.
I have learned to love that which is meant to harm me, so that I can stand in the way of those who are less strong. I can take the bullets for those who aren't able to.
Grow up and let anyone try to contend with the adult you.
Why go through life feeling cheated? It does nothing but make you bitter.
You don't need people to tell you how beautiful you are on there.
I think reality television is such a special talent.
I'm taking a lot of my favorite artists, different people, my favorite music and marrying that with what I do as a comic. It's very collaborative, arty, fun and cool.
People are really terrified of me. I don't know why, I'm very nice, but people are very intimidated by me.
Just because you are blind and unable to see my beauty doesn't mean it does not exist.
I get up around 7 a.m. That's very early for a stand-up comic. Then I'll have breakfast with my husband, the artist Al Ridenour, take my three dogs for a walk and commence with my work.
To start telling people that you're beautiful, or just feel beautiful, just start acting like you are the most beautiful woman in the world. And it really improves everything! Because your sort of psyche responds to it - like this is truthful!
To be a feminist is to be alive.
Being called ugly and fat and disgusting to look at from the time I could barely understand what the words meant has scarred me so deep inside that I have learned to hunt, stalk, claim, own and defend my own loveliness.
Thankfully, beauty is easier to remove than apply, and a swipe of demaquillage in the right direction and you are you once again.
Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion.
Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever.
People drain me, even the closest of friends, and I find loneliness to be the best state in the union to live in.
Try to love someone who you want to hate, because they are just like you, somewhere inside, in a way you may never expect, in a way that resounds so deeply within you that you cannot believe it.
