There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.
— Mark Twain
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired.
It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
Better a broken promise than none at all.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
We are all alike, on the inside.
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.
Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.
I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.
Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.
The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.
Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'
It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.
It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.'
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
It is easier to stay out than get out.
I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any.
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.
Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.
It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.
There are lies, damned lies and statistics.
There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
