To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
— Mark Twain
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
When in doubt tell the truth.
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.
Necessity is the mother of taking chances.
Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.
Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
I never smoke to excess - that is, I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.
It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.
We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.
A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat.
Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.
Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
