I'm just glad that the whole John Wayne persona of a man is sort of old school now, because I'd never be able to do that. If that was the going rate today, I wouldn't be working.
— Matthew Perry
I never really thought of myself as a physical comedian. But when I was a kid, I used to, you know, pretend to trip over things to make girls laugh in school and stuff like that. So I kind of learned how to fall without hurting yourself.
I need a woman to have a quirky sense of humor. There's a bunch of jokes I use, and if she doesn't get them, she's probably not for me.
As for my personal life, I'd love to start a family of my own. I think I'd make a great dad, and I think shortly I would make a great husband.
I would like you all to give me a round of applause as I have not crashed my car in over 15 months.
There are two ways to go when you hit that crossroads in your life: There is the bad way, when you sort of give up, and then there is the really hard way, when you fight back. I went the hard way and came out of it okay. Now, I'm sitting here and doing great.
As an actor, being on autopilot is the worst thing possible.
I love the idea of 'the one' but I actually believe that there isn't a Miss Right. There are 12,000 Miss Rights out there and it's all timing.
Well, I was lucky enough to be involved in about 19 failures at an early age, so I'm realistic about the success I'm having and how quickly it can go away. What's important is to be smart about it.
The key to sitcom success is miserable people. If you see a happy couple, it's just gone, like when Sam and Diane got together on Cheers.
I think if you look back at all those great comedies on television in the past, it's all lovable losers that gathered together - 'Taxi' and 'Cheers,' 'Seinfeld' and 'Friends.'
'The Whole Nine Yards' I liked right away. It was kind of a dark comedy at first. And just the idea of being in a movie with Bruce Willis was pretty exciting.
Nine times out of 10, women don't want to fix a problem, they just want to be understood. I'll never get that.
Trying to overcome addiction is one of the hardest things for a person to do. And the fact that I had to do it under the scrutiny of tabloid press at first made it seem even more difficult. But in fact, it oddly ended up being a plus. Because of the tabloid stuff, it wasn't like I could walk into a bar and order a drink.
I got sober because I was worried I was going to die next year.
The goal is to have to do the shot again because the camera guy shook a little bit as he was laughing. Without that happening, I'm not happy because there's nothing better for me than a world that everybody's just trying to make each other laugh.
If there's a silence in a room I'll try to fill it as soon as humanly possible.
I've just found out there are pages on the internet dedicated to whether I'm gay or not.
Chandler's the guy everybody thinks will do well with women, but he thinks too much and says the wrong thing.
The thing is, if I don't have sobriety, I don't have anything.
I have a well-documented history of trouble with intimacy.
Women always think that I'm Chandler, so if I don't joke around for half an hour, they think that something's wrong. Then I explain that I don't have comedy writers scripting everything I'm saying at this particular dinner.
Ninety percent of video game AI really is pretty damn bad. I think that's actually why it's so much fun to shoot things. Because the AI is so bad and the characters are so annoying.
Vicodin, I got addicted to that little pill. The reason I don't talk about it too much in the press is because it isn't funny, and I love to be funny in interviews. If you joke about that period in your life, it doesn't seem right.
I can tell if someone is talking to me because I'm on 'Friends' or cause they just think I'm neat. You know I don't think I've ever spent more than five or ten minutes with somebody who was ogling me because they recognized me from the show.
I'm a sensitive guy. If you are a woman and you're in any kind of emotional duress and you write a song about it, I'll buy you album.
I used to be a real prince charming if I went on a date with a girl. But then I'd get to where I was likely to have a stroke from the stress of keeping up my act. I've since learned the key to a good date is to pay attention on her.
After I got my first laugh on stage, I was hooked.
