I went to a Turkish hairdresser, and they burned the hair off my ears with a lit taper. They just put the burning candle near your ears and you hear the hair being burned away. And the smell - urggh!
— Neil Morrissey
Weekends are about replenishment and rejuvenation. Time in Wales would definitely be part of my ideal weekend, at my own hotel, set in 72 acres of absolute gorgeousness. I can already feel the air working its magic, with the sea breeze drifting over us.
I do know people who buy these huge houses but I always think, 'What about all that furniture? You're never even going to sit on it!' I don't want to rattle round in a big house.
I don't sit around and get depressed about things. It's not my character.
My dad died 11 years ago, I don't see much of my brothers, and I rarely speak to my mum. I don't hold a grudge, but being separated in those early years clearly had an impact. Our relationship didn't develop as it ought to.
I would like to dive in Vietnam and Cambodia.
I don't even like sitting in a taxi or on the tube when I've got a nicely ironed shirt on - I can feel the creases starting. I was taught to iron in the children's home I lived in - along with mopping, sweeping, and washing up. If you iron a shirt in order - collar, cuffs, yoke, sleeves and then body - it comes out all neat and gorgeous.
I lived all my life thinking the reason I was in care was because I was naughty. Because I was breaking and entering, pickpocketing, vandalism. I wasn't party to any social workers' reports.
We get the papers: I prefer broadsheets because I had the fear of God put into me by the tabloids and, though I'm very much over it, I still don't really like to read them. It's a destructive vernacular that makes me angry and scared, and it is all sensationalist onomatopoeia and alliteration.
I love cooking and eating - I'm a total foodie. It started off as a survival thing as a student, when cheese and potato pie was all I could afford to make. My most successful results come from concocting something with leftovers. Any chef will tell you that you should taste as you cook, so I might make it a bit more spicy, yogurty or eggy.
There's a lot of stigma attached to being in a home. Other parents don't want their kids to play with you because you're naughty or nasty.
There are loads of kids out there who haven't got a clue what 'Men Behaving Badly' was; it was such a long time ago. So I'm able to spread my wings a little bit more. I was able to do it on stage over the years. Most directors and producers don't know who I am these days, anyway!
When I look back over my career, I just feel pleased that I'm still working and getting some good roles. It's been 30 years now, and a generation has grown up with me. There are kids who don't have a clue who I am, but they queue up and ask for my autograph and admit their mums love me! It's all good - I am having a ball.
I've always wanted bigger shoulders.
I pay attention to my nails. I have had this particular German nail kit for years, and I take it everywhere. If I don't trim and file my nails, they turn into talons. I cook a lot, too, and I don't like to see bits of food stuck under them.
I can't bear not to be liked, and I've always been a people pleaser.
Quite often, we're swamped with friends. My house is known as Hotel Morrissey, which is quite handy whenever I need dog-sitters for Tiggy. She's my tiny little rescue dog, the size of both of my feet put together.
I think actors worry too much about age. They should just get out there and make sure they're up for whatever jobs come along.
I know it's fashionable to blame your childhood for everything nowadays - thank you, Freud. The thing is, though, I really don't feel scarred by mine. But perhaps if I'd been in therapy for 10 years, and you were able to read the records, you'd disagree.
I feel secure in my life, and I'm happy with where I'm at. I realise in some ways how enchanted my life's been. I could have ended up on a bench outside Stoke station begging for money. I was one of the lucky ones.
I was a kitchen porter for an hour at the Bank of England when I was 18. In the cafe, someone clicked their fingers and shouted, 'Boy, come and clear my table.' I walked out.
I have never been a major fashionista, but I love a suit, and I did have one made for me by the tailor Stephen Williams. The great thing about a bespoke suit is that it covers up my pot belly. When I buy a suit, I'll pick shoes, belt, tie, shirt and socks, and that will be what I always wear with it.
If I know I am going out in the evening, I'll save my shower till I am about to get ready, so I'm pristine. I'm not one for moisturisers and toners; the furthest I go is shampoo and conditioner and a bit of hair gel.