A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it.
— Oscar Levant
I think a lot of Bernstein - but not as much as he does.
I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.
I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on.
Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.
Schizophrenia beats dining alone.
There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.
Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.
So little time and so little to do.
I have no trouble with y enemies. But my god damn friends... they are the ones that keep me walking the floors at night.
I'm a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy.
I've given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself.
Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Once Dwight Eisenhower makes up his mind, he's full of indecision.
I am no more humble than my talents require.
Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.
I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.
