I feel now it's useless to keep hoping. The way things are today, we live in a world that needs laughter, and I've decided if I can make people laugh, I'm making a more important contribution.
— Paul Lynde
My father was adamant in his disapproval of my interest in show business.
I don't understand why people don't remember my name.
My following is straight. I'm so glad.
A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world.
Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.
I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.
Sandwiches are wonderful. You don't need a spoon or a plate!
My table seats eight, so that's my maximum. Having a small number of guests is the only way to generate good conversation. Besides, your whole house doesn't get wrecked that way.
My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I can tell instantly if it's not clean-and I like it clean enough to be able to eat off the floors-or the tables, for that matter.
My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that.
I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.
An actor shouldn't undergo psychoanalysis, because there are a lot of things you're better off not knowing.
The doctor's name was Sylvia. I told her she'd have a problem with me because Sylvia was my mother's name.
My sisters said, Why do you make those faces? You make yourself so ugly.
It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me back into going on stage.
Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're so awful, they're really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics.
Learning lines is on my mind until I do know them. I'll read the paper or paint the house to keep from starting to memorize. I've never found an easy way.
If I hadn't become a celebrity, I'd probably be an alcoholic.
A room is like a stage. If you see it without lighting, it can be the coldest place in the world.
I don't always prepare such rich meals. Sometimes I'll just serve a simple quiche, salad and dessert for dinner. During the week I try to eat lightly.
I have this beautiful antique silver wine decanter that I bought at an auction. I always pour wine from that.
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
The whole romantic part of my life was a wipeout. I didn't even own a belt.
If I'm not working, I don't know what to do.
I don't know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he's funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me.
When I said I didn't have a cent, I didn't. I used to get annoyed with people who said they were broke when they had five dollars.
Mothers don't want to pinch me or put me in their purse.
If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death.
I laughed all the way through Love Story.
I wish I had the nerve not to tip.
I'm Liberace without a piano.
I often go on a liquid fast a couple of days a week. I never take just water. Instead, I'll have maybe six glasses of vegetable and fruit juices a day.
The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst room for conversation. I'd get up from the table, a very long table, and somebody would always say, Paul, I never got to talk to you.
I may find something that looks interesting and then go on to alter the recipe by adding spices, things of my own. I also look for time-saving recipes, dishes that can be prepared ahead and stored.
I think basically an actor is a salesman.
Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.
I was obsessed with being rich and famous.
Someday I'm going to go onstage in a dress if I want to.
