I don't think I was ready for the Premier League until I was 24 at Southampton.
— Peter Crouch
When some kids get a sniff of the first team at a big club, you see them change. They can become big-time, especially so if they happen to be captain of the youth team.
I had Fleetwood Mac on, and Saido Berahino asked me if it was from a movie soundtrack.
I enjoy being different.
I really enjoy tennis, but football's the game for me.
I know my strengths and weaknesses, and I play to them.
I think it's helped me that I've always been very grounded, very down to earth. Lots of my friends are people I've known from school, and when I'm away from football, they're the ones who I knock about with.
I didn't come from a council estate like a lot of the lads do.
Nothing can prepare you fully for how harsh football fans can be, but it makes you more robust, able to deal with a lot of what is thrown at you in life.
You should never get ahead of yourself car-wise; no Merc when you're still in the youth team, no Porsche unless you're a Premier League regular.
The jokes about how I look have actually made me stronger.
I made so many mistakes when I was younger.
I was always quite technical as a player, but when you are the size I am, if you are crap in the air, it is going to look bad.
Right from school, I got mockery for the way I look. I took it to heart early on. I admit there were times when I doubted myself.
So many kids want to be football players, and to still feel like I'm living the dream at 37 is amazing.
I'm lucky: whatever I eat, I've never wavered from just under 14 stone.
I wouldn't want to get my pigeon chest out in front of anyone. I don't think the world needs it. I'd probably get a yellow card anyway.
In this age of social media, it is easy to punch out a phrase 'thoughts are with the family' when something bad occurs, and at times, it is insincere.
One thing that annoys me in football is when people get carried away by results after four or five weeks of a new season.
I've been at Stoke for eight years... I think I've had the same towel for almost eight years.
There's no hiding place for someone of my size.
Looking around at the faces of the home support at Gillingham, the irony was never lost on me that these people had the cheek to call me a 'freak.' Perhaps they should have taken a look at themselves first.
Even when I was at the top, playing in the Champions League final for Liverpool and playing at the World Cup for England, I've never let it go to my head.
I'm very aware that you lead a very peculiar existence as a professional footballer, being flown everywhere first-class and never having to queue up for anything. Of course, that's attractive, but if you're not careful, you end up living in a world where nothing is really real.
If you're different in any way at school,then you're going to get a bit of abuse. You learn to deal with it in a way where people don't come back at you again.
Because of how I looked, there was definitely a prejudice against me. People didn't think I could play. I could see why: I weighed about eight stone and was six foot bleeding seven.
A little voice keeps telling me an Aston Martin really isn't me, but a louder voice is telling me that, as an England international playing for Liverpool, the old rules no longer apply.
I used to pretend I was into speed garage when I hated it.
I have really got into watching the unsigned bands. They play mad venues like the Sugarmill in Stoke and all sorts of underground, grimy places.
I didn't think too much about people who didn't believe in me. It hasn't really affected me.
I was a million miles from being a Premier League player. You see some people, at 18 they are ready. At 21, I wasn't. Physically nowhere near.
I'm 6ft 7in, so I have a massive bed.
I don't know why, but if I was walking down the street, the same people who called me freak would probably ask for a picture. It's a real strange thing.
Everyone that I have taken the mick out of, or told a story about, is someone I know properly or someone who has been a team-mate, and I know can take it. I am not stitching anyone up.
There is one thing you must know about Marko Arnautovic if you want to understand what makes him tick: he believes he's the best player in the world.
Footballers are very superstitious.
The kit man is the heartbeat of the football club, really. He knows the lads. He's usually local, a fan, and he's got his finger on the pulse of the dressing room.
I know I can play, but people who haven't seen me and look at me on a football pitch think, 'He's tall, and he's there to head the ball.'
If you go from being a kid at school to being on £60,000 a week, that can be hard to deal with. I didn't have that, and maybe that's kept me a bit more grounded than some players.
I've played for England; I've been lucky enough to do this for a long time. So why can't you do it with a smile on your face?
People tend to assume I was terribly self-conscious about my height. In fact, I've always been perfectly comfortable with the way I am. And if anyone gave me any stick, they soon found I was quite capable of giving it back.
I've always been the tallest; I didn't shoot up. That's who I am.
I once walked out of a nightclub with my team-mates to see our star midfielder reclining across the bonnet of a Ferrari, arms folded, waiting for girls to come out so he could wink at them and then progress it from there. I have no idea how long he'd been waiting. I do know it wasn't even his Ferrari.
I've been promoted, relegated, won big trophies, gone months without scoring, played for my country at World Cups, been bought, sold, loaned, and called 'a freak.'
I once bought an ill-advised half cashmere, half camel hair jumper for £800, then ruined it by spilling a pint of Guinness all over it.
I am not the sort of character to get carried away.
I got booed by my own fans when I came on in my first game for England. You go through things that are ridiculous. But you get to the stage you realise everyone's got an opinion.
Ronaldo, the Brazilian one - incredible player. I met him once. I was in Ibiza on holiday and quite by chance ran into him in a club. He's the only man I'd go up to and ask for a picture. And I did.
I'll have an omelette, porridge, and fruit for breakfast at the training ground, then chicken, pasta and soup for lunch; then I can relax in the evening.
I feel proud I was part of the old school and still around in the new school.
