After 3 years, I left the army at the ripe old age of 20, but I'd like to think some of the skills are still with me. I'm great at physical movement; I can still remember Morse code, and perhaps most importantly, I can fold my socks up into little balls with smiley faces.
— Rhys Darby
There comes a time in every man's life when he realises he will never be James Bond.
I've been lucky in life, that's for sure, but it all started with being born in the greatest country in the world - New Zealand.
I love airports because funny things always happen at them. They're giant complexes full of urgency, seriousness, and confusion. Where am I supposed to be? Which way do I go? And that's just the staff.
A lot of new dads don't realise that you can't take your 5-year-old along to see something like 'The Avengers.' Modern superhero films are too violent, and the dialogue is far too convoluted for a child.
Commercialism in the Western world has got us by the scruff of the neck. It's a technological takeover, and we can't even see it happening because we're too busy enjoying it.
The touring comic is a lonely soul, sometimes dabbling into conversation with a colleague in the green room, but on the whole, we just stand around and try to cope with the random diversity that comes with the 'job.'
Comedy shouldn't be restrained under the belt of normality.
Remember the Y2K bug? Ahhh, those were the days... I'll never forget that New Year's Eve. My wife and I were in Golden Bay dancing with her parents to Abba songs when suddenly, the rain began to fall. I took it as a sign from Mother Nature that everything was gonna be okay. Sure enough, the clock struck 12, and life went on as normal.
I find Godzilla exciting because he/she/it comes from the sea. It's entirely plausible that it could be real. Yes it is! It doesn't take a huge stretch in the imagination to imagine that something may be living at the deepest depths of one of our oceans.
I've never thought of myself as a writer. I still don't, despite all the writing I've done.
When I grew up, one of comedy idols was Rowan Atkinson, who of course is Mr. Bean and uses physical comedy. Same with Jim Carrey. Both of those guys. And Peter Sellers. Most of my comedy idols are physical comics.
Hopefully, the guys will work on a 'Conchords' film because the world deserves it. That's up to them, because we're all keen to do it. It's about finding the time and the right story. All I can do is encourage them and then wait for the phone call.
Certainly, when I left New Zealand, there was no career there as a comedian. I was doing more live gigs than anyone, and I was maybe doing three a week. Even then, it would often be the same people in the audience, going, 'I saw you on Tuesday, mate!'
I believe that there are definitely creatures out there in this world that we haven't classified yet, and whether or not they can transcend dimensions is yet to be seen, but I... well, to put it simply, I want to believe in that kind of stuff.
My favorite crypted is definitely Yeti because it's once removed. It's not as popular as Bigfoot or Sasquatch, but it's more exciting. Yetis are of Tibetan origin, China or so, around Russia. They're more of a snow-based giant hominid. Apes living up in the snow? That doesn't make any sense! Well! People have seen them.
I had dreams of becoming an officer and a gentleman. But hey: One out of two ain't bad.
A lot of people don't believe I was a soldier. They look at my luscious hair and wacky bow-tie collection and immediately put me down as some kind of supernatural geek.
In the '80s, when I was watching Bond films in the cinemas, Roger Moore was the man. I'll always have a soft spot for him. His Bond films were light-hearted and silly as well as action-packed. For me, this spoke volumes. It meant that, someday, maybe someone like me with a whacky sense of humour could be James Bond.
Science and technology are the keys to both our longevity and our demise. Our entire existence on this planet is a double-edged sword.
The freeways of America are like giant veins twisting and turning, rushing life from one zone to the next. The landscape is a giant body just lying there feeling the rumble.
Timing is a very important part of being a father. You should never show your kids things before they're ready. Especially with movies. Toys like Lego are okay because the fact that your 3-year-old can't understand the instructions ultimately leads you to constructing it yourself... the secret plan all along.
We live in a digital world where all is available at the touch of a screen. Money has been simplified, changed subtly over time from tangible bills to numbers in cyberspace. Cash is no longer in a cloth bag; it's numbers on a screen. Numbers that can be manipulated and modified. If you run out of numbers, you can just buy some more, right?
I love that feeling you get once you leave a cinema having just watched a movie during the day. Your eyes slowly adjust to the natural light, and your mind, being a little slower, takes its time to separate the images of film from the reality you are suddenly facing.
Here's my take on Andy Kaufman... For Kaufman, comedy was a skill that was open for examination. He didn't just do comedy, he deconstructed it like it was a transistor set. He pulled out all the wires and switched them around, often in front of our very eyes.
We were Londoners for about seven years during the decade they called the naughties. My first son, Finn, was born over there. He's actually very proud of that fact.
I don't know what it is about 'Godzilla,' but as far as I'm concerned, the more versions of it, the better.
I think what I'm gonna do is keep being international and not being grounded to any one particular thing. As long as I'm entertaining people in one way or another and maintaining some sort of adventurous life with my family in tow, then I'll be happy.
I think of myself as an underground name. Quite a cult comic.
I can be a bit movement-orientated and flamboyant because, essentially, I'm a physical comedian.
'MacGyver' of course, that's probably my favorite show of all time because it was a guy who was so, so smart and could use his wits, and his technical know-how could get him out of any situation.
I think I'm probably a monster-of-the-week guy, and that comes back down to my old favorite show, which as a kid was always 'Scooby-Doo.'
As a man, you think, 'Hey, man, I want to be like Bond or Tintin.'
I'm used to sort of improvising a lot when I do my comedies.
I loved the army, but it didn't really love me. I used to get into trouble because I thought outside the square.
Halloween is bigger than Christmas in America. I've experienced it in New York, Los Angeles and Washington D.C., and if you're in the right neighbourhood, every house is decorated with spooky ghosts, spider webs, and jack-o-lanterns.
My youngest son has a very clear idea of what he wants to be when he grows up: he wants to be Indiana Jones, Batman and Jack Sparrow. Yes, all three at the same time. So he basically wants to be an archaeologist who wears tights and fights crimes on pirate ships. That's pretty cool, huh?
Comedy helped me out in my teenage years. It saw me through puberty and helped me to deal with dating.
I do enjoy walking, but there's got to be a goal at end of it. It's one of the reasons I hate treadmills. All that jogging and going nowhere - it's too frustrating.
A touring comic's typical day roughly amounts to an hour of being laughed at and 20 minutes of being photographed. The other 22 hours and 40 minutes are spent in silence.
My turn on 'Letterman' turned out to be a blast. The audience were delightful, and they lapped up my silly Kiwi humour. Even the big man himself came over to shake my hand after my set.
I remember when I got my first (and only) iPad - excitement filled the air as I opened the box and stared at what was essentially a big iPhone but without the phone part. I knew I really wanted it, and at the same time, I knew I didn't need it.
It's my mission to get the New Zealand accent into a Hollywood show. I'm proud of the way we talk, and I'm here to represent it. Kiwis are everywhere: they're in every city of the world. I've checked. We have a voice... it's a bit of a funny one at times, but it's one that I want to promote.
To be honest, I struggle with words. I often forget them, you know, the official ones. Instead, I make words up. I use home-made words that sound similar to the real thing. Usually, they're some sort of confused hybrid of two existing words.
In New Zealand, we have a thing called 'tall poppy syndrome,' which, you might not have heard of it, but it's essentially where - it happens in small populations usually, but can actually happen in the U.K. - where, if someone sticks out, they get their head cut off because they are being outside the ordinary or they are showing off.
I haven't done a lot of voice work, but I know that a lot of shows will just bring in the actors individually, and they will just do what is on the paper. You miss out on that connection of having everyone there.
I've always had a passion for acting, without really realising that that's what I should be doing.
'Greatest American Hero,' I really dug that as a kid because it had an alienation to it, where he was given a gift and didn't know why, and yet he was forced to do something with it, and he was very much an out-of-place character who was trying to cope with his own surroundings, and I can kind of relate to that guy.
Whether it be climbing Mount Kilimanjaro or dealing with your children, life is an adventure, and it's how you perceive it.
I can't stand going to those sandwich bars where you've got to choose your own stuff, because I don't know what goes together. It does my head in. I'd rather them tell me. I'm not the expert. I haven't spent years learning these different combinations.
