In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
— Rita Rudner
My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
