I don't have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I'm going to keep talking. I can't imagine a life without doing standup.
— Ron White
My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth.
If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it's being true to their nature... that's what takes a long time to learn.
I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He's probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can't say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.
I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative.
There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.
I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine.
I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.
Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.
You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.
I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.
I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
I don't do any corporate work.
I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative. If you're a painter and someone stretches your canvas, it was collaborative on some level.
Everybody I know is a joke writer.
But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It's like anything else. It's a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever.
I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em.
I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.
I do live like a rock star, but it's not as great as it sounds. It's a lot of traveling.
There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.
My goal is just to become a better comedian.
Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!
You can't fix stupid.
I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there.
There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.
I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child.
When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.
The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off.
I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow.
You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.
Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.
People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.
The next time you have a thought... let it go.
