People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.
— Russell Baker
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.
People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one's beloved.
The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.
Reporters thrive on the world's misfortune. For this reason they often take an indecent pleasure in events that dismay the rest of humanity.
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday.
Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.
Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.
