I'm primarily just an investor.
— Scott Adams
I have a perverse attraction to risk. Not physical risk but emotional, financial risk - anything than can't kill you immediately.
'Dilbert' became popular during the downsizing of the '90s, and job security was a major theme of the strip.
Home is pretty utopian.
Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.
There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.
The best things in life are silly.
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
The only risk of failure is promotion.
Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
I've always defined myself not as a cartoonist, but as an entrepreneur. That was true before I tried cartooning. I always imagined cartooning would be how I got my seed capital. I always thought my other businesses would be the less dominant part of my life.
It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.
There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.
Obviously there's not much options when you're a cartoonist - you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier.
Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.
I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.
I get mail; therefore I am.
Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.
Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
My investments have been hurt.
I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened.
There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.
Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.
One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead.
If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.
The longer you work here, diverse it gets.
In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.
You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
