I'm a taker in terms of jokes. I love to hear a good joke, but I don't retain jokes. I'm not a good teller of jokes.
— Steve Carell
I had, like, two goals in my career: One was to try to get into 'Second City.' When I moved to Chicago, my goal was to try to work at 'Second City.' And beyond that, my goal was to make enough money as an actor to not do anything else but act, not have to go and wait tables again.
My father is Italian, and I never met my paternal grandparents. The family name was 'Caroselli' and it was changed in the mid '50s. I think they wanted to assimilate, which was pretty common, although I love the name 'Caroselli.'
I have no idea where my pathetic nature comes from. If I thought about it too long, it would depress me.
People say, 'What's the secret to a marriage?' There's no secret - I think you get lucky.
How did I end up in films with people like Keira Knightley... all these beautiful leading ladies and me - it's kind of shocking.
I look at improvising as a prolonged game of chess. There's an opening gambit with your pawn in a complex game I have with one character, and lots of side games with other characters, and another game with myself - and in each game you make all these tiny, tiny moves that get you to the endgame.
Children are very smart, in their own stupid way. A child's brain is like a sponge, and you know how smart sponges are.
If we were meant to read for enjoyment, would God have created television? Read as it was intended - for exercise. The more you read, the more you expand your - what's the word I'm looking for? - your stockpile of words. You must have a stockpile of words that you can pass along to your children for their stockpile.
I'm listening to a lot of Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, and Rihanna. A lot of pop female artists. I have to say I'm pretty well-versed in the pop female category.
I joined an improv group in college, which was a lot of fun. After I graduated, I moved to Chicago to try to get into the Second City.
Maybe the coolest people are the ones who don't care about being cool.
I think when someone who's known for doing drama does a comedy but just tries to be funny, that's a mistake.
Because I went from the 'Daily Show' where I was a fake news guy on a fake news show, to 'Bruce Almighty' where I played a news guy, to 'Anchorman' where I played a news guy, now I'm... yeah, I tend to gravitate towards suits.
I don't even know if I have kind of a personal, like a take or a mental manual of how I'm raising kids. It's really - I think with everybody, it's just day-to-day and you just try to deal with every situation as they come.
I had a lot of coaches growing up that were very hard on the kids in the name of building character, but it could have the opposite effect on kids.
I play the baritone horn - which is like a mini tuba, and is the least sexy instrument you can choose, and I generally say I don't play one so I don't have to acknowledge it. I also play fife.
From cheesecake on a stick to meat skewers to deep-fried bananas on a stick - there are no plates anymore. In Los Angeles, everything has become a corn dog. Actually, corn dogs still work. But most other food should be stickless.
There's such a freewheeling nature to 'Second City,' and the greatest thing about 'Second City' was having a sophisticated audience night after night who appreciated what it was. They knew it wasn't all going to be great when you improvised, so they were very forgiving that way.
I know I'm not a woman's fantasy man; I don't have to uphold this image of male beauty, so that's kind of a relief in a way.
My parents had a certain resolve to them that I don't see as so prevalent today. Through good times and bad, they were committed to one another. Their relationship wasn't something to be constantly examined or picked apart.
My wife is way funnier than I am. As much as I don't really feel I share a sense of humour with my family, I definitely share one with her - we find the same things funny.
I've thought a lot about success, because it's very strange to me that I've been successful.
You never saw Peter Sellers the actor trying to make you laugh. All he was doing was the character. What I'm saying is that I don't think you should know you're in a movie. I don't like it when actors are winking at the audience and saying, 'Right, isn't this funny? Are you with me?'
Your brain, like your tongue, is a muscle. Practicing thinking by yourself really helps develop your brain, which you need throughout your day. I like to practice my thinking in a darkened room, alone.
Whenever I'm offered something, I always read the script and meet the director. I still appreciate just being considered.
Reading a book, watching a movie, going to a play, it's transporting, and very, very exciting. And to be a part of that, creating things with your imagination, whoa.
'Anchorman'... is not grounded in anything. There is absolutely no heart to that movie, which I love.
For the better part of my adult life, I proudly avoided nerd/nimrod/goober status. I was always just cool enough.
Actors and magicians are both performers, and they represent things that are not necessarily who they are.
Whenever I hear someone describe something as a 'kids movie' or a 'family movie,' it immediately has a negative connotation in my mind because I think, 'Well, as an adult, I wouldn't go see it by myself, because it's purely for children and it holds nothing for me and it's simplistic and it's kind of easy.'
Steve Buscemi is hilarious. He's really, really good with improv.
I'd love to do Broadway some day. Before I started doing television I was just a primarily a stage actor, but I haven't done it in a while.
Being an action star is all I had ever hoped to be. I ultimately knew I would be an action star.
Anything nice that's said about me is diametrically opposed to who I am.
My job doesn't define my kids in any way. When we go to places, it's about them and it's about us as a family. I think they're proud of me, but I'm just Dad.
I don't think of myself as funny - I don't fill up a room with my humor... I would fail miserably as a stand-up comedian.
My maternal grandma was a tough, tough lady and a stern woman, who lost her husband young and raised six kids by herself. She lived in a mining community in Upstate New York and ran a boarding house for miners. She took care of an entire family and miners who lived in the house as well.
You're doing your kids a disservice if they do get everything they want because that's not the way life's going to go, and I think kids have to have some reality.
I'm not unattractive, but I'm not a matinee idol. I think I have a very non-threatening look - I'm fine, I'm right in the middle.
Sending a handwritten letter is becoming such an anomaly. It's disappearing. My mom is the only one who still writes me letters. And there's something visceral about opening a letter - I see her on the page. I see her in her handwriting.
A healthy body means a healthy mind. You get your heart rate up, and you get the blood flowing through your body to your brain. Look at Albert Einstein. He rode a bicycle. He was also an early student of Jazzercise. You never saw Einstein lift his shirt, but he had a six-pack under there.
You're so in love with your children that you'd do anything for them; that's not necessarily the best thing.
Everybody wants to be a Bond villain. That is the coolest. To be able to portray a Bond villain, that is the feather in any actor's cap.
I'm not good with pickup lines or flirting. I don't have that kind of self-confidence or natural charisma.
Like most people, I have painful memories of trying to fit in as a child. I wore, said, and did pretty much what everyone else did.
I don't text, I don't have a Blackberry. Literally, I just have a cell phone that I haven't programmed and the whole Bluetooth. No. I don't even have an earpiece for my cell phone.
In an enclosed space, a camel's breath can change the atmosphere of the room. Not only just the smell, they literally seem to change the atmospheric pressure. It's so disgusting. It's like they have eight stomachs each more rancid then the next and it just comes out of their mouth.
Even the most self-confident people, at one point of their lives, felt like outsiders or felt like they weren't being heard or seen or witnessed in some way.
I've waited my entire life to be busy. Whenever I hear actors complain about being busy, I think, 'shut up.' Because you do, you wait to be successful or to be able to work.
