There is that great thing of D.C. being Hollywood for ugly people. There's very distinct crossover behaviors.
— Timothy Simons
I don't have actors in my family, but everyone is pretty artistic.
I like sort of esoteric and weird Twitter jokes. But I actually unfollow people if they make jokes about a celebrity's death within the first two minutes of that celebrity dying.
You don't want someone to think you're from New Hampshire, because who cares about New Hampshire? You're basically just a pass-through.
I'm a dog person, but I don't have a pet.
If you didn't watch 'The Shield,' you should stop everything you are doing and go back and watch 'The Shield.'
My dad's a photographer, and my sister is a writer and a poet. My little brother is a mandolin player - he's a bluegrass musician. It's always been a part of the family.
Unless you're playing a historical figure, a writer or director can change their minds. And sometimes your job is to make them change their minds - to make them believe that you're the one that can do it.
There are people I've met in L.A. who kind of only talk about the business. Because maybe they think that's the best move.
We live in a world in which whatever you do has a parody account online in moments.
The one thing I always think about when I don't get jobs is that it just wasn't yours. You don't want to do something that you're not right for because it won't make the production look good, and it won't make you look good.
When I was a carpenter, I built sets for small storefront Chicago companies. Like, I built sets for friends of mine at The House Theater.
I've lived with myself for a very long time, so I'm aware of what I look like. I'm under no false pretense that I'm a stunner, so if somebody comes up and says something about my physical appearance, it's okay.
Keeping children alive and free of disease is not a political issue and cannot be put into a partisan box.
I don't know, and certainly I've been guilty of making a judgment about a celebrity, but there's a part of me that's like, 'Why don't you take the time you're spending ripping James Franco and go do something you like?'
It's so odd because I don't even know if I'm cut out for it, but being a movie star guy, I sort of end up gravitating toward the Coen brothers. That's one of the reasons my wife and I moved to L.A.: that however much of a pipe dream that would be, I moved to L.A. because I'd love to work with the Coen brothers.
My first job in L.A. was actually playing an employee in a Best Buy commercial, but I played a bad employee at another store. I also worked at a commercial casting company running cameras and session directing.
Truthfully, I don't like the binge-watching model. I think that if you give everybody everything all at once, there's very much a law of diminishing returns as far as their enjoyment of them.
I'm a night person, but because of being in the film business and having children, my schedule has shifted, and I'm always terrified that I'm going to oversleep.
Ultimately, I just made the decision to move to L.A. sight unseen. It took me a while to save up some money to do it.
IPods just made music about how many songs you could have on you at all times.
I'm particularly bad at breaking if something's funny. I'm not professional, so I do often laugh, but less at what I do and more often at what other people do.
I started out with the intention of studying physics. I was a terrible high school student outside of the fact that I did well in physics, but there's a big difference between being good at physics and being a physicist, so I jettisoned that very quickly.
I was born tall. I was awkward and gangly. Before that, I was a really chubby elementary school kid. I've always been sort of a physical abnormality.
I'll believe I made it when I'm 100 years old, I'm still able to get work, and they're about to put me in a coffin, and I'll be like, 'Yeah, OK, it went all right.' But until then, I'm not saying it.
I took one class at Second City called Improv for Actors, and that was it, and that was only because my agent told me I had to.
I got my SAG card doing a Kentucky Fried Chicken commercial in Chicago.
I think the absolute worst job I ever had - not because it was a terrible job, just because I was just so bad at it - was when I worked at a scenic factory in Chicago.
The truth is, there is no link between vaccines and autism. Vaccines are incredibly important.
I'm very much in favor of vaccinations, and I've been very vocal about that because it's insane to forgo this.
Reed Scott is really good at coming up with insults.
You're taught from a very young age that you shouldn't get too big for your britches, so I tend to err way too much on the side of 'Nothing means anything.'
After school, I was planning to jump from regional theater to regional theater.
I've done a pretty good job of curating a Twitter feed that doesn't make me hate the world.
There is a part of me that really just thinks it would be so funny to see the 'Veep' characters in 'Game of Thrones.'
I grew up in Maine working at a video store and found myself being pulled more and more to on-camera stuff.
I used to love going to shows and finding new bands, but the Internet takes the fun out of it. Like a band? You can buy and download every single song they have ever done within five minutes.
My dad was a photographer, so we had all these studio portraits of us.
I really wanted to go to a city and get involved in a theater scene and a theater community. I had some friends who had moved out to Chicago and had said really good things about it and about the work. I didn't care at that time about making money.
It's much harder to get a job if nobody wants you around.
I'm saying nothing new that Dave Pasquesi is really good at what he does.
If you're going to go to an audition, you don't want to go in trying to force yourself into some archetype that has been thought up by a director and translated by a casting director.
I think I was a behavior problem, mostly, but in a fun way. I tried to tell jokes. I was the middle kid, so I was always looking for attention and trying to be the one that equalized everything.
When I was in Chicago, I was working as a carpenter while I was doing plays. I thought it'd be a fun set construction job, but it turned up to just be a straight-up factory.
My children, twins who are three years old, they're awful creatures right now.
David Letterman was my guy growing up. My parents recorded the tenth anniversary special for me, and I watched it 40 times.
The Duplass brothers do that so well - that very simple, very horrifically awkward comedy.
I was born in the Northeast, and I have Midwestern parents.
