Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
— Will Rogers
The United States never lost a war or won a conference.
Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.
Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.
The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.
Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.
It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so.
People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument.
A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like.
Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.
Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.
A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you.
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.
Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs.
The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is the Democrat is a cannibal they have to live off each other, while the Republicans, why, they live off the Democrats.
There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.
I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.
The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.
We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer.
Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.
When ignorance gets started it knows no bounds.
Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.
You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.
Politics is applesauce.
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way.
People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.
The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got.
Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs.
A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.
Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there.
Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.
Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.
Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.
I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week.
The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.
This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die.
A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.
