I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'
— Wilson Mizner
The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.
There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.
Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.
I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.
The first hundred years are the hardest.
A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.
To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.
It is not in life, but in art that self-fulfillment is to be found.
You sparkle with larceny.
Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.
I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.
The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.
Failure has gone to his head.
Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.
A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.
All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.
If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.
I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.
In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.
The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.
Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.
If you count all your assets you always show a profit.
Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.
Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.
Art is science made clear.
Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.
I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.
