You know you have a gambling problem when it's 4 A.M. at the Mirage Sports Book and you're walking around going, 'Hey you get the lacrosse scores?'

Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer.

To tell you the truth, I always wanted to be a sketch comedian and a comedy actor.

Artie Lange Quotes