Football is, honestly, so objectively bad that I have always been convinced that the only reason it is so 'popular' is some kind of mass conspiracy. Everyone who 'likes' it is just pretending to like it because they see other people 'liking' it, and now we are all forced to endure it.

To be an Instagram model, you absolutely cannot just post pictures of yourself in a bikini for the sake of people seeing you in a bikini - even if that is exactly what you are doing. No, you need to caption these photos with an inspirational quote so that people will know that you are not just a butt, you're a gosh dang philosopher.

Beto O'Rourke may think he wants to be president, but I am here to help him recognize the truth: What he really wants to be is an Instagram model.

Kat Timpf Quotes