The jokes I was always attracted to, and that I would tell for the longest, were jokes where I cared about the subject. Whenever I wrote a joke where I didn't care, even if it was really funny, the third time I told it, it would lose steam.

My dad was listening to me noodle around on the guitar in the house and sing, and he was like, 'Man, you're funny, and you sound good when you do that. You should do that at a bar.' I had stage fright, so I was like, 'No, Dad. Leave me alone.'

It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.

Funny Quotes