I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
— Joan Rivers
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Never floss with a stranger.
My dad was a very funny man - he's the one who taught me life would be awfully hard without humor! I'm sure his Irish wit in some way influenced my decision to become an actress.
— Joan Cusack
Comedy is just an unspoken language. Everybody understands it. Funny is funny. When it's not funny, they'll let you know.
— Jo Koy
The funny thing is, I don't actually think of myself as fat at all. I don't think I am. Not really.
— Jo Brand
I made a supreme effort not to do that thing that parents do, which is to bore people without children to death by going on and on about how funny their children are, so there's none of that hopefully.
Most people tell me that what they are surprised about the most is that I sing really well, I always find it funny.
— Jinkx Monsoon
If you just stop and think, baby, honey, love is a funny thing. Whatever you put in, that's what you expect to gain.
— Jimmy Reed
But my comedy hero was Stephen Chow. His deadpan comedy, all the stuff he wrote like 'From Beijing with Love,' it's incredibly funny.
— Jimmy O. Yang
That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't.
— Jimmy Kimmel
The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.
— Jimmy Fallon
I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
— Jimmy Carr
It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead, you're made for life.
— Jimi Hendrix
I've seen the Tortilla Guy hashtag when I'm going through my Instagram and all of that and I think it's pretty funny. It's weird because I've met this guy before, I know who he is, but he's really kind of elusive, even around our camp. I've had some people tell me, 'Don't tell us who he is. We're having fun trying to figure it out!'
— Jim Root
The biggest killer to funny is hyper sensitivity to certain subject matter and Montreal is as guilty of that as L.A. or New York or San Francisco.
— Jim Norton
It's surreal to be hanging out on Ozzy's patio with him talking politics. It's so funny when people doubt that he's with it because he's a really sharp, smart guy.
Comedy is learning to be funny, and you learn to be funny in small rooms with young audiences.
Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
If I find something funny or something that kind of cracks me up, I'll get up on stage. I don't care what situation I'm in or what media I'm in: I'm gonna say it.
I love storytellers. When I was growing up, my inspirations were watching Eddie Murphy, Dennis Wolfberg, and Louie Anderson. These guys were great at telling stories, and I made that my own style, talking about things that happened to me and trying to make them funny.
If I am totally honest, I would have to say that 'Allo 'Allo!' was not my cup of tea, even though lots of people loved it. For that reason, I find comedy fascinating. There is a huge difference between what people find funny.
The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.
In the gay community there are not very many Jewish drag queens. I've always found that funny because there are a lot of Jewish gay people out there, so why aren't there more Jewish drag queens?
When a Spanish actor does an accent, that's sexy. When Peter Sellers did a French accent in 'Pink Panther,' that's funny - he got nominated for a Golden Globe. How come whenever an Asian actor does an accent, he's stereotyping?
It is kind of funny that the people who don't think Hillary Clinton is fit and healthy enough to be president are so worried that Hillary Clinton is fit and healthy enough to be president.
It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up.
Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one.
I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.
It's funny, in some of the interviews I've seen that were done for the film, some people say things like, 'Oh, I was never a very big Jim Woodring fan. I've never thought his work was that great.'
— Jim Woodring
I don't watch too much television because I want to write something, and you never want to be influenced by other things that are on - and if they're really funny it'll just depress me because it's something I'm not a part of.
It's nice to have funny friends. I like watching my friends perform.
My job is to be funny.
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
The follow your dreams thing is really important because so many people are railroaded into taking other paths by their family, their friends, people who should be supportive going, 'What are you talking about?' Even just seemingly regular career paths, but if it's not what people expect for you they kind of react funny.
— Joan Jett
Just to talk in front of people is scary. And now you gotta learn how to be funny, and now you gotta learn how to make people laugh at what you think is funny. That's not easy.
I thought I was funny as a kid. I used to play tricks on my brothers - I'd tie a two-shilling piece to a bit of cotton, then pull it away as they went to grab it.
I thought I was funny as a kid.
Who do I like? I am a big fan of French and Saunders - not that that they are particularly stand-up I have to say, but I think they have been great for women and they are of themselves just incredibly funny whether they are male or female.
I gave my heart to the Lord, and I remember the incident vividly. The Lord spoke to me. I know that sounds funny. It was not an audible voice or anything of that nature.
— Jimmy Swaggart
I'm just a quirky, funny dude.
I don't really need to be dirty to be funny.
I'm on so late I'm definitely the last seconds of anyone's attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, 'That's funny,' then fall asleep.
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
— Jimmy Durante
It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life.
In the early days, Jerry was an antagonist, which was arguably his best casting. 'The King's' quick wit is perfectly suited to be an antagonist, but at the same time, he's so funny that it is hard to hate Jerry Lawler as the villain - especially at this stage of his long career.
— Jim Ross
I know I'm funny, and I like to be in front of people, and the fact that I'm good at that. It's the one thing that gave me self-esteem.
You know, a comedian's comedian is just that - it's a guy who's original and funny and can make comics laugh.
