Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
— Jack Benny
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.
Modesty is my best quality.
My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
Gags die, humor doesn't.
Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.